Discardable friendships

You can never take anything for granted, especially with philosophers. I mean, there are these things that are almost holy cows. Things like love; like friendship. And, yet, you will find that philosophers will find a way to apply filters on them, like on everything else.

Like Tiru does here...

Paruguvaar polinum panbilaar kenmai perugalir kundral inidhu - Tirukkural

Enjoyable though the company may be, it is sweeter to diminish the friendship of the characterless than to allow it to flourish - Loose Translation

AND, thus, you can see that translation can be a bitch. I mean, I could have said 'Even if it be as much fun as a drinking bout, it's sweeter to reduce the friendship of the evil than to increase it'. But, then, I'd first of all get into unnecessary arguments about whether a drinking bout is actually fun or not. That's the problem with metaphors...and, these days, you cannot even use 'sweeter' without getting into debates about diabetes and carcinogens and what not.

Not to mention the fact that Tiru may not even have meant 'friendship of the evil' in this context. As in, yeah, it is true that the evil man IS to be shunned. People without integrity, who are undependable, who would cause intentional harm to those around  them either for their benefit or for their pleasure - people like that are to be avoided even if they are fun to be around when they want to be. But THAT is not all that Tiru is warning you about.

You see, how about the friend who loves having fun...and drags you along to movies even on the eve of important exams? How about a friend who loves experimenting on drugs and encourages you to 'live it up' without a care about possible future addiction? How about a friend who causes you to spend beyond your limits on frivolities while denigrating any impulse to caution?

You see, to CAUSE harm, people do not necessarily need to INTEND harm. It is enough that they are people who lack discipline and responsibility. Alas, these are the very guys who seem to be the most fun to be around. Till the time comes around to pay the bill. THEN you will know what irresponsible really means when YOU become answerable for their bills as well as yours. (AND I mean that metaphorically as well since all bills are not paid in money.)

It is best, therefore, to slowly withdraw yourself from such friendships before you get irrevocably dragged into the quicksand.

The priceless gem?

I have always been handicapped by the absence of an ability that people seem to take for granted. Like, if I am told 'Drop in any time', I take that as an invitation; people seem to understand it as a meaningless courtesy. I take words literally for what they mean. People seem to read in different meanings into the same words depending on when it is said; who is saying it; what their tone of voice is and so on and so forth. Never learnt all that, never will and now I have given up on understanding how to parse it and, even, why people do it.

So, yeah, when Tiru goes one step further and says this...

Kooraamai nokkak kuripparivaan enyandrum maaraaneer vaiyak kani - Tirukkural

He who, without words, understands with a look is a gem of this world girded by undrying seas - Loose Translation

I don't think that Tiru meant that such a person is but dross in a desert world like Dune. It's just that he needed to make a decent couplet of it and, so, rounded it off with that 'undrying seas'. So, I do not even have that solace. I mean, I cannot understand WITH words, so what are the odds that I'm going to understand with just a look at the other guy's face? So, yeah, no priceless gem, me!

I CAN understand how I might like that in a subordinate. I mean, there are times when you CANNOT say what you want. Like, you got this boring chap who's droning on and on; who you cannot unceremoniously chuck out; and then your assistant pops in saying that your boss wants you, just so you can give this bore a bum's rush without it appearing so...THAT's a benefit of having a guy who can understand a situation without your having to explain chapter and verse to him in single syllable words.

AND, perhaps, in Tiru's times, the King treasured a minister who could take a look at the frowning Queen's face and divine the cause of her anger AND find a way to redress the situation. (Yeah, yeah, any boss would like it but the Home Office concept does not give enough opportunities as the palace of yore did.) Given the almost congenital inability of men to understand their women, I can quite see how such a person would be counted as a Kohinoor among ministers.

The fact is that such a person will prove himself to be the most congenial of people and, thus, the most priceless. To be able to read the face to read the mood is to ensure that you do not speak the wrong words at the wrong time. That's not necessarily to be a lickspittle. It is to know WHEN to give the advice and how best to put it. The ability to know how the people around you are feeling is also the ability to be convincing because you will know how they are reacting to what is being said.

Alas! I'll be content to know what the words people say actually mean. Reading faces and tones and body postures...too much trouble!

Read the room?

There ARE these times when you really find that Eureka moment where you feel convinced that you can say, 'We did this way back in history'! This IS one of them where something modern has been said way back in history by one of our philosophers. Though, fact be told, in areas like management, nobody really finds out some truly innovative concept. They only find an innovative label. AND, alas, I cannot claim that we found that label way back in history.

You decide. Tiru said this...

Avaiyarindhu aaraaindhu solluga sollin thogaiyarindha thooimai avar - Tirukkural

After assessing their audience, the wise choose the most appropriate words to communicate their thoughts - Loose translation

There! It is not enough that you have the best ideas. You also need to know how to communicate them to the audience in front of you. AND, no, one size does not fit all.

Take knowledge for example. If you want to communicate economic ideas, say. To a bunch of other economists, it is easy to just talk of reducing rate of inflation...that, say, it has gone down from 6% to 4%. When faced with laymen, you are bound to be faced with the attitude, if not the open scepticism, that you are lying because how can the rate of inflation go down and the prices still increase. The idea that reducing inflation only means that the prices are increasing at a slower rate...now explain THAT!

OR, for that matter, trying to explain a policy measure of the Government to the people when the Government is popular is a totally different matter from doing it when the people are hostile. You see, people cannot understand nuanced policies AND, of course, they cannot be experts in all subject matters. So, more often than not, their reactions are based on whether they TRUST the Government and not based on the merits of the policy. (AND, by the same token, when you OPPOSE Govt., calling people blind followers is useless. It IS always the case, no? Isn't that why political speeches are always addressed to the emotions and not to the brain? You are trying to earn trust or seed distrust. AND mostly in language that does not seek to enlighten, only to enrage.) So, in a room of supporters, you just talk the policy up. In a room of opponents, you explain it in a manner that they find difficult to oppose.

So, yeah! Read the room before you speak. Tiru said so, long back. Now, is it the thought that counts or the label?

Laugh in the face of trouble?

Yeah, yeah, you are right. I AM going to start off by saying how philosophers talk of things that, on the face of it, seem insane. I mean, if you come across someone laughing, when something very distressing has happened to him, your first instinct is to say, "There, there, get a hold of yourself" and wave in a paramedic with a sedative injection, if not a straitjacket.

Too late for Tiru who is not around for your kindly ministrations. Here he goes...

Idukkan varungaal naguga adhanai aduththoorvadhu aqdhoppa dil - Tirukkural

Smile in the face of distress; there's no more powerful weapon against trouble - Loose Translation

So there. When you are faced with distress, laughing at it is the most powerful weapon against it, according to Tiru. It's probably not as insane as it sounds. In fact, it seems like the sort of thing you pay good money to a psychologist to hear.

Think for a sec. What happens when you are faced with any sort of hardship? You may grieve or feel hopeless or become depressed. AND...as a consequence of those overwhelming feelings, you give up on living. As in, you give up on actively engaging with the world, working to set things right. The melancholy of distress freezes you into a stasis where you get frozen into that moment - of loss or defeat or pain - without the energy to move on. Which ensures that the distress defines you going forth.

To be able to laugh at it...that probably is hyperbole. Of course, if you CAN, you make the entire problem much smaller and, thus, you find that you have the ability to deal with it with relative ease. You know, that things about holding a stone close to your eyes and seeing it as a mountain vs holding it away and seeing it for the stone that it really is. What's the word? Mmmm...Ah...Perspective! Distance yields perspective. AND to hold onto the pain ensures that you cannot distance yourself enough from the problem to see it in perspective.

Even if the hurt is too high for you to laugh at it, it's better if you can avoid any distress from overwhelming you. To be able to look on a thing rationally instead of letting emotions overwhelm you...THAT's the best way to deal with distress. Once you steady your mind, you'll find that the distress becomes manageable and will eventually disappear.

If you, indeed, have the ability to see the funny side of things, to be able to find truly something to laugh at, THEN indeed are you equipped with the most powerful of weapons against all distress. Though, yeah, you may also invite that sedative or straitjacket!