The priceless gem?

I have always been handicapped by the absence of an ability that people seem to take for granted. Like, if I am told 'Drop in any time', I take that as an invitation; people seem to understand it as a meaningless courtesy. I take words literally for what they mean. People seem to read in different meanings into the same words depending on when it is said; who is saying it; what their tone of voice is and so on and so forth. Never learnt all that, never will and now I have given up on understanding how to parse it and, even, why people do it.

So, yeah, when Tiru goes one step further and says this...

Kooraamai nokkak kuripparivaan enyandrum maaraaneer vaiyak kani - Tirukkural

He who, without words, understands with a look is a gem of this world girded by undrying seas - Loose Translation

I don't think that Tiru meant that such a person is but dross in a desert world like Dune. It's just that he needed to make a decent couplet of it and, so, rounded it off with that 'undrying seas'. So, I do not even have that solace. I mean, I cannot understand WITH words, so what are the odds that I'm going to understand with just a look at the other guy's face? So, yeah, no priceless gem, me!

I CAN understand how I might like that in a subordinate. I mean, there are times when you CANNOT say what you want. Like, you got this boring chap who's droning on and on; who you cannot unceremoniously chuck out; and then your assistant pops in saying that your boss wants you, just so you can give this bore a bum's rush without it appearing so...THAT's a benefit of having a guy who can understand a situation without your having to explain chapter and verse to him in single syllable words.

AND, perhaps, in Tiru's times, the King treasured a minister who could take a look at the frowning Queen's face and divine the cause of her anger AND find a way to redress the situation. (Yeah, yeah, any boss would like it but the Home Office concept does not give enough opportunities as the palace of yore did.) Given the almost congenital inability of men to understand their women, I can quite see how such a person would be counted as a Kohinoor among ministers.

The fact is that such a person will prove himself to be the most congenial of people and, thus, the most priceless. To be able to read the face to read the mood is to ensure that you do not speak the wrong words at the wrong time. That's not necessarily to be a lickspittle. It is to know WHEN to give the advice and how best to put it. The ability to know how the people around you are feeling is also the ability to be convincing because you will know how they are reacting to what is being said.

Alas! I'll be content to know what the words people say actually mean. Reading faces and tones and body postures...too much trouble!

Read the room?

There ARE these times when you really find that Eureka moment where you feel convinced that you can say, 'We did this way back in history'! This IS one of them where something modern has been said way back in history by one of our philosophers. Though, fact be told, in areas like management, nobody really finds out some truly innovative concept. They only find an innovative label. AND, alas, I cannot claim that we found that label way back in history.

You decide. Tiru said this...

Avaiyarindhu aaraaindhu solluga sollin thogaiyarindha thooimai avar - Tirukkural

After assessing their audience, the wise choose the most appropriate words to communicate their thoughts - Loose translation

There! It is not enough that you have the best ideas. You also need to know how to communicate them to the audience in front of you. AND, no, one size does not fit all.

Take knowledge for example. If you want to communicate economic ideas, say. To a bunch of other economists, it is easy to just talk of reducing rate of inflation...that, say, it has gone down from 6% to 4%. When faced with laymen, you are bound to be faced with the attitude, if not the open scepticism, that you are lying because how can the rate of inflation go down and the prices still increase. The idea that reducing inflation only means that the prices are increasing at a slower rate...now explain THAT!

OR, for that matter, trying to explain a policy measure of the Government to the people when the Government is popular is a totally different matter from doing it when the people are hostile. You see, people cannot understand nuanced policies AND, of course, they cannot be experts in all subject matters. So, more often than not, their reactions are based on whether they TRUST the Government and not based on the merits of the policy. (AND, by the same token, when you OPPOSE Govt., calling people blind followers is useless. It IS always the case, no? Isn't that why political speeches are always addressed to the emotions and not to the brain? You are trying to earn trust or seed distrust. AND mostly in language that does not seek to enlighten, only to enrage.) So, in a room of supporters, you just talk the policy up. In a room of opponents, you explain it in a manner that they find difficult to oppose.

So, yeah! Read the room before you speak. Tiru said so, long back. Now, is it the thought that counts or the label?

Laugh in the face of trouble?

Yeah, yeah, you are right. I AM going to start off by saying how philosophers talk of things that, on the face of it, seem insane. I mean, if you come across someone laughing, when something very distressing has happened to him, your first instinct is to say, "There, there, get a hold of yourself" and wave in a paramedic with a sedative injection, if not a straitjacket.

Too late for Tiru who is not around for your kindly ministrations. Here he goes...

Idukkan varungaal naguga adhanai aduththoorvadhu aqdhoppa dil - Tirukkural

Smile in the face of distress; there's no more powerful weapon against trouble - Loose Translation

So there. When you are faced with distress, laughing at it is the most powerful weapon against it, according to Tiru. It's probably not as insane as it sounds. In fact, it seems like the sort of thing you pay good money to a psychologist to hear.

Think for a sec. What happens when you are faced with any sort of hardship? You may grieve or feel hopeless or become depressed. AND...as a consequence of those overwhelming feelings, you give up on living. As in, you give up on actively engaging with the world, working to set things right. The melancholy of distress freezes you into a stasis where you get frozen into that moment - of loss or defeat or pain - without the energy to move on. Which ensures that the distress defines you going forth.

To be able to laugh at it...that probably is hyperbole. Of course, if you CAN, you make the entire problem much smaller and, thus, you find that you have the ability to deal with it with relative ease. You know, that things about holding a stone close to your eyes and seeing it as a mountain vs holding it away and seeing it for the stone that it really is. What's the word? Mmmm...Ah...Perspective! Distance yields perspective. AND to hold onto the pain ensures that you cannot distance yourself enough from the problem to see it in perspective.

Even if the hurt is too high for you to laugh at it, it's better if you can avoid any distress from overwhelming you. To be able to look on a thing rationally instead of letting emotions overwhelm you...THAT's the best way to deal with distress. Once you steady your mind, you'll find that the distress becomes manageable and will eventually disappear.

If you, indeed, have the ability to see the funny side of things, to be able to find truly something to laugh at, THEN indeed are you equipped with the most powerful of weapons against all distress. Though, yeah, you may also invite that sedative or straitjacket!

The easy way to virtue?

Sometimes, very rarely, philosophers do manage to make things easy. Or, at least, things sound easy. Surprisingly easy, because in the normal course, the advice they offer is the sort that is nice to spread around but not really worth applying in your own life. Because, to try doing so will involve the sort of effort that you are incapable of putting forth. If you could, you'd hardly be still needing advice.

Like, when Tiru says this...

Enpadhaththaal eidhal elidhenba yaarmaattum panbudaimai ennum vazhakku - Tirukkural

To be accessible to everyone is the easiest way to become a man of virtue - Loose Translation

Actually, 'man of virtue' is a slippery concept. In this context, it could mean various things - trustworthy man, courteous man, what have you. Tiru, I think, means that you will develop into all of it, perhaps over time.

The thing I object to is the fact that what Tiru thinks as easy is vastly different from what I think of as easy. It sounds simple to 'be accessible to everyone.' But just think...you need to be patient and open-minded with that crank who finds fault in what anyone does; you need to give an attentive ear to that man who consistently needs a shoulder to cry upon; you need to learn to ease the mental burden of someone by listening to their problems which you may not be able to solve. AND, most of the time, you yourself may be under the stress of your own problems but should be able to set them aside for the time being.

Like everyone else, you have only twentyfour hours a day to live in. AND, yet, you cannot see all these others as people who are interrupting your life. Because, that way, you will be impatient with them and 'not be accessible' to them. This accessibility is, in other words, a deep empathy for humanity in general which allows you to treat them like you would wish to be treated yourself if you were in their shoes. IF you can really manage that, you would BE a person of virtue. Because that empathy will not allow you to cheat them; would lead you to help as much as you can; and, thus, to really BE a man of virtue.

Yeah...but to call that practice of genuine empathy easy? Whatever was Tiru smoking?