Acquiring an Ambition

I have always been pretty confused about the norms of Society. For example, I never really did understand why people looked down upon someone who lost money playing in a Casino but had great respect for someone who did the same in the stock markets. "Gambler!", they said in derisive terms of the former and "Stock market operator!", they said of the latter in tones verging on awe - though both will claim that they have used esoteric mathematics to develop a 'system' to play their respective games. Warren Buffet will be eulogized by the world while the man who breaks the bank at Las Vegas will not. Going by popular notions, he may probably earn himself a cement waistcoat where Buffet is treated as a guru.

If you won money in a lottery, they dismiss your achievement as mere luck but if the property you were hoodwinked into buying some ten years back suddenly became worth its square inches in gold they praise your acumen. Lacking the full quota of grey cells, I have always failed to understand the subtle difference between the two.

Naturally, this made it difficult for me to pick an ambition to pursue. If you cannot even make out the goal-posts nor can you identify whether you need to score goals or make runs, it is rather difficult to set a course for yourself. So, I followed the regular course of anyone in doubt - I consulted someone. The one big advantage of consulting is that you have someone else to blame for the subsequent disasters.

One of my friends was held up as the foremost example of a man with ambition and a dedicated pursuit of it. I went to him with all the reverence due to an oracle and put up my problem to him. And this is what he had to say.

* * *

You know that my dad was rich and he left me a humongous sum of money. So, naturally, I only wanted to ensure that all that money did not rust away in the banks and started spending it with joy. I had not realized the importance of having an ambition till my neighbors started talking about me as a useless wastrel. I, too, consulted a friend.

He asked me what if I had any ambition. I told him that my ambition was to wake up in the morning and drink myself silly till the night. He scoffed at me and said that it was a stupid waste of time ingesting that garbage and not an ambition. I could have taken any insult to myself, but I could not take that insult to the noble God, Bacchus, and, so, I left him in a huff.

My problem still remained. One of my friends was known as an offbeat achiever and I thought he would have a more sympathetic approach to my problem. I asked him to tell me about how he became known as ambitious. He said that he pursued his passion - though it was offbeat - without regard to what Society said and, now, they respected him. I told him that I, too, had this offbeat passion to drink myself silly every day and, despite having diligently followed it for the last three years, Society still did not respect me. He laughed derisively and said it was an indulgence and not a passion.

I tell you this thing is crazy. You are not free to select your own ambition. Society has all sorts of nitpicking rules about what will be considered an ambition and what will not. Unless your aim fits into those rules, they will not validate it as an  ambition. Why, if you played computer games all day, you are merely fooling around but, if someone in China earns a salary for doing it and piling up points for some American to start his game from the more difficult levels, that Chinese chap was being ambitious. Ridiculous, I tell you. For a moment I thought of just giving up on acquiring an ambition and live as I pleased. The problem is that I am - like the rest of us - hard-wired to worry about what the neighbors thought of me and cannot rest happy unless they are satisfied.

I thought long and hard, let me tell you. Then one fine day, this brilliant idea floated up on top of the Scotch. I told the world that I had decided to become the world'd foremost expert on liquors and was trying out every single liquor in the world in order to gain a complete command of the subject. You will not believe the results.

I still drink myself silly from dawn to dusk - with full Social approbation - and my neighbors now say, "Ah! He was wasting his time till he developed his passion. Now, look at the single-minded dedication with which he pursues it. Everyone must learn from him." Why, they even come bearing bottles from distant lands that their sister-in-law's niece's cousin brings over in order to further my ambition. And, let me promise you, I do not slack an instant in the pursuit of my ambition.

* * *

That was most certainly an eye-opener for me. So, all you had to do was make what you want to do seem like something that Society would want you to do and, presto, you had an ambition. The issue was simple - instead of trying to decide what Society would want you to do, just pick on what suited you best and think of how you can dress it up for Society and there was your ambition.

Now, the problem is that all I wanted to do was loll around in bed. What do I say it is for? I cudgeled my brains only to find that finding my brain was far more difficult than cudgeling it. I may well have been resigned to a life without ambition but for the coincidence of seeing a TV program of someone eating glass bottles.

Now, why did I not think of something so obvious? If you wanted to dress up anything, however silly, as an ambition, all you had to do was be in training for the 'Guinness Book of World Records"

So, now you know my ambition. I am training to set a record for the longest time spent in bed!

P&M X - All Right

(We are back at Phrases and Meanings again. You can torture yourself with the entire series here)

There are those phrases which make you wonder why the Human race ever bothered to invent language - and a multitude of them at that. I mean, if the entire meaning to be derived is entirely based on facial expressions, tone of voice and context, why bother to use the words at all?

If there is one prime example of such a phrase, it is 'All Right'. It can mean what it purports to mean sometimes but, more often than not, it means that things are not all right at all and how much that fall short of being all right can be gauged by all those non-verbal cues.

For example, you have a telephonic argument with your wife and she slams the phone down with an "All Right!" Do you think that you have convinced her with the scintillating logic of your argument or worn her down by your persistence? That phrase in this context only means, "Alright Buster, just get home tonight and I will teach you what it means to argue with me."

There you are in a meeting vehemently putting forth your point in a meeting and your boss says, "All right!" You feel you have impressed your boss with your acumen? Ah! The folly of youth! All your boss means is, "Alright lad, we will see how much misery you can stand in the coming days. Argue with me, will you?" The problem is that you read that slogan "The Boss is always right" on the wall behind his desk and assumed it to denote his sense of humor - when it was merely a reminder to you to watch your behavior.

At home with your spouse you are in your element arguing against what you are being asked to do. Merely because it is a matter of getting you off your ass - which will otherwise take a crane to do, your spouse stomps off with an "All right!" and you feel immensely satisfied at having gained your point. Little do you know that this time it means,"All right, you bum, let us now see how you get me to do anything at all in future."

There is one "All Right!" that is the most dangerous of all. If you ever get to hear it in that tone of voice, rest assured that nothing will be all right with your life from that moment on.

So, you do not believe me or like what I said? All Right!

In Seventh Heaven

I have always loved this idea of being in Seventh Heaven and, by and large, all it takes me to be in that state is to have absolutely nothing that requires doing. Even in this retired state of mine, alas, there are things to do - most notably that damnable Income Tax return which plagues me once a year. Still, it is not a bad deal being in seventh heaven for the most part of the year, I suppose.

The funny thing is that religions, which are reputed to remain at loggerheads with each other in all interactions and to tend to see the followers of the others as imps from Hell if not the Devil incarnate, are all agreed on the existence of seven heavens. Surprising that there is such unanimity among people who are seen to otherwise claim that the Sun rose in the West merely to contradict the others saying that it rose in the East.

Judaism claims the existence of Seven Heavens - Vilan, Raqiya, Shehaqim, Zebul, Ma'on, Makhon and Araboth. Islam, too, agrees about seven heavens - Rafi, Qaydum, Marum, Arfalun, Hay'oun, Arous and Ajma'. Two major religions, whose followers have the public reputation of being perpetually at loggerheads with each other seem to have a shared vision about, at least, the number of heavens.

Closer home, Hinduism also has its seven heavens. The famed Gayatri Mantra - Om Bhoor Bhuva Svah - lists the first three and the expanded version actually lists all seven. Well - actually, the heaven part starts later but seventh heaven is most certainly present. In order, we have Bhoorloka, Bhuvarloka, Svarloka, Maharloka, Janaloka, Tapa loka and Satyaloka. Bhoorloka is the land of mortals - us, so technically there are only six heavens but the seventh loka translates to seventh heaven!

Now, if only we have unanimity in considering everyone as children of the same god. That would truly be seventh heaven.

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words 1st - 7th September 2013

The sevens of marriage

Hindu marriage vows are taken in the saat phere - the seven circum-ambulations of the Holy fire. They are more prayers than vows. The first phera is with a prayer is for availability of nourishing food through their lives, the second is for health, the third is for Wealth, the fourth is for mutual love and respect, the fifth is for good progeny, the sixth is for a long life of peace and the seventh is for togetherness, companionship, loyalty and mutual understanding.

I searched and searched and could not find this '... and obey' being required from the wife in this process. Alas! That put me off marriage - lacking nimbleness of brains, that 'obey' was about the only way I could come anywhere close to holding my own in a marital relationship - not that it has been any help to any of the others who had tacitly assumed that it was a part of the marriage vows.

There is, however, a different seven that comes into operation these days in love marriages. I make no claim that this is universal but it certainly seems wide-spread.

1. At First Sight - "Ek ladki ko dekha tho aisa lagaa"

2. At first meeting - "Tum aa gaye ho, noor aa gaya hai"

3. After being accepted - "Hum donon do premi duniya chor chale"

4. After a period of love - "Shayad meri shaadi ka kayal"

5. Post wedding - "Suhaag raat hai, Ghunghat uta raha hoon main"

6. Five years after marriage - "Kya apna tamanna thi, Kya saamne aaya hai"

7. Ten years after - "Kasme vaade pyaar wafa sab baaton hai baaton ka kya"

I plead indulgence from the ladies. Hindi cinema has been male-centric and I am unable to find good equivalents for the women. (And my apologies too to those of you who do not know these Hindi songs)

Marriage is also supposed to be a saat-janam ka rishta (A relationship lasting seven births). The above love story starts with being indignant about having only seven births with the loved one, goes through to feeling that the relationship is just about good enough for seven births and ends with hoping that the current one IS the seventh birth for which the marriage was supposed to last.

I am sure that YOUR marriage is not like this one and you want life with the same partner to last till you get off the wheel of existence totally. But I cannot keep worrying about you. I need to figure out whether this seven births business applies for bachelors as well and, if it does, do I want this to be the first of seven or the last.

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words 1st - 7th September 2013