Monkey see monkey do

(I am off on a wilderness trip from tomorrow and shall be back only on 18th. Please read this piece before you start your joyous dancing!)

I have never let the fact that I have not succeeded in doing something stop me from handing out advice about how to do it. In that, if in nothing else, I suppose I am in sync with the rest of humanity. (I am not? Well, then, one of us is certainly lying!) So, why should I let the fact, that I never managed to make my subordinates behave the way I would have liked them to, stop me from advising bosses on how to manage it?

You could well want your subordinates to stand at attention when you pass by them; to laugh at all your jokes as though they thought that the world lost the best stand-up comedian ever when you chose to become a manager; to listen respectfully when you spout your (interminable?) pearls of wisdom; and to say "How high?" when you ask them to jump. (Well! That last may be a bit too much to seek. They may only jump on your supine body with spiked boots even if they do not go so far as to shop for the sharpest spikes in order to do so)

As I was saying you may want all that but it is not possible to tell them so, is it? (You think it IS possible? Wake up - this is not the time for Mungerilal ke haseen sapne OR, in western terms, this is not the time for pipe dreams. Try it and you will finally learn what a horse's laugh means.) So, how then do you get them to do it if you cannot even tell them to do it?

I have one simple mantra for you - Monkey see, monkey do! You act with your bosses in the manner in which you want your subordinates to act with you. When your boss calls you for a meeting, you put on your utmost serious expression and walk in with deferential alacrity. When you convey to your subordinates what he said you say it with all the devoted respect with which Arjuna would have talked of Krishna telling him the Bhagavd Gita. In short, you behave as though, if your boss has not actually been deified, it is because there has been some serious oversight in Heaven in the matter of promotions.

Actually, you may find that this is not foolproof but it does work. I mean all your subordinates may not pick up those cues and act with you the way you act with your boss but most will to a greater or lesser degree. To be sure, acting and speaking of your boss as the world's greatest fool works far better on the 'Monkey see Monkey do' principle. Your subordinates take to acting with you the same way with greater ease. But, even the other way round, the principle does work with most people.

There are limits though. If you get a phone call from your boss; shoot up to attention barking your knee on the table and upsetting your tea in the process; slam one hand on your forehead and clutch the phone to the ear as though you were trying to glue it in permanently; and utter staccato bursts of "Sir! Yes Sir! At Once Sir!", I am afraid that the principle may not quite work the way you may want it to. Your subordinates are more likely to curl up in fetal positions; hold their bellies with both hands and rock on the floor; open their mouths wide as though they wanted you to look at their tonsils; and utter staccato bursts of laughter. Like the Buddha said, avoid excesses. Moderation is the key.

To be sure, this is only for bosses whose bosses are really their bosses. If your boss is Mukesh Ambani's offspring, say, then it is obvious that you will be deferential with him no matter how cavalier he is with his boss. In fact it is likely that his boss would be deferential to him as well. So, this advice is meant only for those in the unfortunate position of really being their boss' subordinates.

It strikes me that this post may be read by some subordinates for cues about understanding how their bosses may prefer them to act. I daresay you may be safe enough to be deferential to him if he is deferential to his bosses. But if he is not, please do not think that he also likes you being rude to him. After all, not every boss has had the benefit of my advice and the poor chap may not understand that "Monkey see, Monkey do" is the best way to communicate the behavior he expects of his subordinates.

How successful was I in applying my own principle? Ah! You did not read the opening paragraph with attention. I can forgive that but not the fact that you have not even heard of the saying "Those who can do; those who cannot teach!" It may not be true of most people in the teaching profession but is most certainly true of me!