Self Portrayal

(A year that starts with repeated travel. Off-contact again for the next five days)

The number of things I am mistaken in, if laid side by side, would probably stretch from here to Alpha Centauri. Among that multitude, there are still some that stand out, if only because they are the few that I have (all too late) realized to be mistaken impressions. The idea that people do not take you at your own estimation is likely to be the most prominent one.

It seems logical, does it not, that people would know that you are likely to be the last person to be able to see who yourself as you really are? That you would tend to overestimate or underestimate yourself? And, even if you could see yourself clearly, you were most unlikely to let on to the rest of the world all the warts you have OR were likely to concentrate only on the warts depending on whether you wanted the world to respect you or reassure you? Logical, yes, but when has anyone accused Homo Sapiens of being a logical species?

I can vividly remember my first days of working in Delhi. On my visits back home to Bangalore, I used to say, 'You wake up in the morning, rush through all your ablutions, rush to board your chartered bus, go in panting to punch in just in time, reach your seat and, then, wait for the tea to arrive and start wondering about how to occupy your time for the rest of the day." That was taken so literally that guests coming over would say casually,"I am reaching Delhi on Wednesday at midday. Pick me up at the station" with the understated satisfaction of having done me a good turn by giving me something to do on a working day. (Ah! Yes, my office WAS paying me for the 'grace' of my presence BUT that did not mean that they were all too willing to dispense even with that for hours on end.)

I changed over to talking about how my office was keeping me busy and how my boss wailed like a demon lover missing his mate if he did not see me every hour on the hour. Things changed rather dramatically. Guests solicitously checked with me about whether it would be convenient if they came at 8 AM on a weekday and, overall, the idea that my office would be only too happy to be rid of me for a few hours (if not permanently) dissipated slowly.

It helps, of course, if you really believed that your entire office would be nervous about their prospect of surviving a few hours of your absence. It would put that much more conviction into your performance. Yes, people may joke about your exalted opinion of yourself but they would, nevertheless, believe that you were one of the foundation stones of your office if not THE foundation stone and act accordingly. I, unfortunately, could never really see that person in the mirror and believe that the entire corporate world is periodically mourning their loss consequent upon my desertion of the corporate world AND this is why my success has not been as spectacular as it could have been.

It is not merely in saying things about yourself. What is more effective is acting like that the sort of person. For example, I tend to say things like,"There is little that I learnt at school but I vaguely remember someone saying that the Sun rose in the East". People, then, automatically assume that I cannot be right and, if and when they ascertain the facts and reluctantly conclude that the Sun REALLY rose in the east, would attribute it to a mere fluke.

On the other hand, let one of the others say,"I have assessed all the facts and come to the conclusion that the Sun rises in the west." Nods of agreement follow almost by instinct and, if and when they ascertain that the Sun rose in the east, they would only assume that the speaker had a deeper meaning in what he said. "Ah! He means that 'East' and 'West' are arbitrary designations we have given AND one could well have named them the other way round", says one. "I think he is probably talking of a time when the Earth reverses the direction of its rotation", says the other. The net conclusion is that the person concerned IS correct and only those who fail to see the deep inward meaning of what he was saying feel that he is wrong. Such is the power of Self-portrayal.

I look into the mirror again and that ass that looks back at me seems absolutely incapable of really believing that he knows all and his reasoning is invariably and inevitably correct. Without that self-conviction, it seems impossible to be THAT impressive.

I have now found a solution to my problem. I am going to change all the mirrors in the house. Convex or concave? Any suggestions?