Sunday, December 16, 2012

Straighten up or die

They know I made a promise to attempt every contest this year and seem bent on defeating me. They know I have a fractured bone in my right hand. They also know I am away from my trusty desktop and reduced to sneaking desultory pathetic looks at a networked world passing me by from an itinerant cousin's laptop. So they bring in a contest at the last moment and, to make things doubly sure, they ensure that it is about hair again knowing full well that I diligently search for signs of it on my scalp with a magnifying glass in vain. Sneaky I call it! Can I let their nefarious designs succeed?

The world is always on the lookout for complicated solutions. As far as I know most people's hair needs to acquire a certain stature before it gets a good look at the world and decides to curl up in a fetal position. The simplest solution, therefore, is to cut your hair very close to your scalp. (About 1 mm should do) Presto - straight hair. (No! This is not my own sneaky way of getting everyone to look like me! You just cannot because I am unique!)

Human beings are irrational and, therefore, I do not expect them to adopt the commonsense solution outlined above. Thankfully there is another workable option. If you do not have Havells switches at home all you have to do is tell your busybody son to wait till the hair straightens before he knocks off the electric appliance while you are doing the St.Vitus' dance with your husband and maid to the tune of "Shock Lagaa". (If you do not have straight hair, you might as well be dead. What is a little thing like the risk of electrocution?) If you are unlucky enough to have installed Havells and are unwilling to change to a more useful brand, you will be reduced to ringing doorbells till you find one that will do the trick for you. Meanwhile, your habit of ringing the doorbell and saying, "Shit! You too have Havells!" is unlikely to endear you to your neighbors.

As an aside, I am actually surprised by this straight hair business. In my youth, the most frightful face a woman exhibited (Other than her normal one, I dare not say for fear of  losing all my readers) was with her hair in curlers. Now it seems to be all straight hair!

Now comes the killer option. If the above does not work run an excursion train to come and take a look at me. Frightful sights are supposed to make your hair stand on end. If you also want me to sing (Scary movies always depend on banshee screams to enhance the effect) that will cost you extra. Results not guaranteed - after all your hair may well be used to worse sights in the mirror. (When I say 'your' I do not actually mean you, you know - it is someone else among all the others who come here)

Now, if none of these work and you still have hair left after trying all these out, you could even try Sunsilk!

If you liked this you may like to check out the index of other posts of this genre or read a selection of similar posts.

62 comments:

  1. Just when I thought folks had scared the Havel out of my residual crop, here you are, scraping the roots out my shriveled savanna! But for your humour, I'd have been hard put to excuse you! ;}

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  2. That was a cool one. Really jazzy ideas indeed. And good to see you managing against odds to participate in every Indi contest. After participating even in Del Monte, it would have been a pity to miss this one.

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    1. Thanks TF! Now I am free of my promise - 2012 is ended!

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  3. Lovely!lovely!lovely!
    Fun start to this day!

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  4. Guess, I should be pretty happy with my wavy or whatever-style-it-is hair :):) Simply amazing Out of the box ideas - All the best, CS! Take care :)

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    1. Thanks Arti! It is what's inside the head that is more important :)

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  5. LOL. For some reason or the other, I keep missing out on these contests. But even knowing that won't participate, I actually look forward to these contests simply to read your entries and a couple other peoples' that I thoroughly enjoy! Ahem, so how much does it cost to hear you sing? :)

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    1. Lovely to hear that Deepa!

      Want yr hair straightened?:) Will sing for free for you :)

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  6. Suresh, I never expected an entry from you given the state of scalp but as always you have pulled a humorous one :)

    Balu

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  7. Suresh - brilliant one ... after a long and tiring such an amazing to my day with :D

    Cheers!!

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  8. Amazing!
    Thank you Suresh for a fun filled morning:)
    Hope you're recovering well...get well soon:)

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  9. Hey Suresh, nice to see you back in action and dying to get straight hair too !! If I didn't know better, I would think you were competing for a Havell's competition instead on the sly :)

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  10. :) he he he excellent start to my day.. for sure , all the best for the contest .. and I have made up my mind , I use to wear a turban.. not anymore .. So now when my hair go away , I can start tieing it again.. So no one knows what is hidden below :)

    Bikram's

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  11. he he he ...this was a wonder ful post ...wishing you all the very best for the contest !

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  12. That was brilliant! :) Hope you're feeling better now. I recently attempted to straighten my hair but the look didn't suit me at all. So, I am back to my curls and now, I really love them!

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    1. Thanks, akanksha, for both the compliment and the concern! Cast is off but the wrist is painful !

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  13. when this contest was announced, I did not even think whether I will participate or not, I just thought what is CS gonna do now....:p
    here you are in full glory...:P

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    1. Mmm! Ratika! The last of my forced-to-compete contest posts!

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  14. What else could be an intelligent content?

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  15. hahahhaha....it really good to see u participating in a hair straightening contest. Very nicely written...had thorogh fun reading it

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  16. So you kept your promise!! The post is laced with humor and is a very good read!!
    Best Wishes CS.

    PS - I am late here as I was participating too, so did not want to read other entries.

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  17. good... thank you for being STRAIGHT forward.. have i just stumbled to a gem.. only a few write humor.

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  18. SC, women had those large curlers in their hair to straighten it. Good to see you back. I like your solution - cut it short. Wish some bloggers take your advice. Just kidding. Happy 2013.

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    1. Ah! Well! Actually the girls around me then all wanted curly hair :)

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  19. I can't think of using the first and second option. Third I can surely try. BTW, I guess straight hair is over-hyped. Curls make a perfect hair statement. And it is in vogue. Guess, simplest way is to use Sunsilk and it is economical too.

    Hope your hand is better now and all the best Sir.

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    1. I live close to Santosh! So you can have yr idlis and straighten your hair too :)

      The plaster-cast is off but the hand is not very usable now - a week to 10 days more, says the doc, for the pain to go. Thanks for the concern, Saru!

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    2. That's what I hate about bones, it breaks so easily and takes such a long and painful course to heal. Hope to get better sooner than expected.

      And thanks for your generous offer. I can not resist this offer.

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    3. Then don't - resist the offer, I mean :)

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    4. Thanks Saru! Your message was the first I came to know of the win!

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  20. Well, yeah. close crop does wonders :P :D lolz. :D Liked the opening paragraph CS... good job! any vrath to participate through 2013 too?

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    1. No oath for 2013 Leo - Shall participate if a good idea strikes me for some contest - shall not force myself to find one :)

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  21. Hah...too good! And now that the contest has been deservedly won, are you determined to jump into all the new ones that 2013 is going to throw at you? If yes, then everyone else had better to watch out!
    Congrats on the win!

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    1. Thanks Rickie! No such determination! Having not written at all for ages, I wanted to give any creativity, that I may have, a full work-out and, so, made that promise to myself. In 2013, I shall write for contests when the idea for the piece pops in of itself - shall not coerce myself to write. Who knows - I may end up participating in all contests this way as well :)

      Others will not be much threatened by me :) After all, most of the other pieces I have written for other contests are about at par with this and none of them won - except a consolation prize from Lakme :)

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  22. Truly hilarious post and some really "nonsensical" suggestions there ;-). Congratulations on the win. And wow, you took part in all contests! That should get you another award.

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    1. Thanks, Rachna! All contests since I became a member of Indiblogger - starting with the Kissan one.

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  23. ha ha....What a post Suresh! 'after all your hair may well be used to worse sights in the mirror.' ha ha That was the best ! :D

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    1. Thanks, Jaish! Glad you think that that was the best line :)

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  24. Congratulations!

    Well it is tough for members like me to participate within the time frame of the contest. Few times I decided that I will participate in next hour and when I login to that contest it showed that results are announced. :-) .

    You are simply doing a great job while participating in each and every contest on Indiblogger. Congrats once again and keep contributing.

    Have a nice day.

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  25. Congrats, Suresh!Hoping to see more grat posts and more wins this year too :)

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    1. Thanks Zephyr! Let us hope I live up to your expectations :)

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  26. Hahahaha! I love your sense of humor and the way it just flows into your writing. Congratulations for the win!

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  27. very nice. I stumbled across this one and was wondering what you could write about straight hair. Plenty..from what I see here. :)

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    1. Hmmm! And plenty more has been written by other people :)

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