Friday, January 11, 2013

Fractured Days


I had always thought that I had achieved the pinnacle of ineptitude long back in life. I mean, when I cannot carry a half-full glass of water without spilling water all the way, what more could I aspire to achieve? A fractured right hand, however, taught me that perfection was still a long way off – though it also carried me a long way towards perfection.
When I returned from the hospital proudly flaunting my hand in a plaster-cast, I had expected to take up life from where I had left it before I had my fisticuffs with the electric pole (For all those who were deeply concerned, I checked recently and the pole is doing very well indeed as is the pavement. For those who do not know what I am talking about check here). Surprise! Surprise! Life was a shade more difficult than I had anticipated it to be!
For one, I found that your instincts are all wrong when you do things with your left hand. My first intimation of this was using the computer mouse. Whenever I clicked what my instincts said was the left mouse button, out would pop a totally unnecessary menu. Oops! There is something drastically wrong with the wiring. The next advancement in humankind – if Darwin has not yet been repealed – should be able to instinctively change hands without messing things up.
One of the unnecessary talents that I did pick up was how to cradle a baby in your hands. I have absolutely no intention of carrying one – even when wearing diapers (Of course I mean when the baby is wearing diapers! What did you think?) – but just try opening jars - with twist-on lids - with one hand. Cradling a jar between the plaster-cast and the chest and opening it with the other hand was the only way – since just trying to open it without holding it only caused it to spin like a top on the table. Nine times out of ten, just as the jar opened, it would slip off my hands (off the plaster-cast if you want to be literal about it). The memories are still so vexing that I shall not venture to detail my attempts at putting the sugar back into the jar with one hand.
Eating with the left hand gave a whole new definition to messy eating. Having made rasam for the day – not knowing that I was going to fracture my right hand within two hours of cooking – things became very interesting indeed. Any South Indian who eats rasam rice knows that there is this peculiar flourish of the hand that is required to get both the rasam and the rice into the palm of your hands. The first time I tried it the TV – which was about four feet away – got its first taste of rasam. The second time the plate spun right off the table. (I shall avoid giving you the details of the cleaning operations!) Trying it with the spoon trailed the rasam rice all the way up to the mouth by which time there was scant little rice or rasam to eat. The only way I could work it was to just pick the rice and transport it to the mouth – which meant that I was eating all rice and had to toss all the rasam into the sink along with the plate.
Let me not get into the unsavory details of how I handled the bathroom. Suffice to say that I went down on my knees and thanked God for having sent down the inventor of the health faucet even if it was on the wrong side (that is to say the right side, if you know what I mean) in my bathroom and entailed contortionist efforts to put it to use. As for dressing up – even in the lungi – all I can say is that anyone who came home in the first week after the fracture was responsible for whatever shocks he received.
You get used to most things in life. Yet, most things in life also change you.  Now, I look at down at every staircase as though it had been put in place by a personal enemy to torment me. I descend it with all the speed of an arthritic zombie while clinging on to the railing for dear life. I glare at every pot-hole in the road as though it has been dug with the specific purpose of twisting my ankle. I give a wide berth to any projection in the pavement that protrudes more than an inch, while carefully keeping an eye on it lest it takes advantage of my inattention to move over to where it can trip me. As for electric poles, they make me shiver with fear.
How permanent these changes will be remains to be seen. The one thing that has changed permanently, however, is my own estimate of my ineptitude. I am not as perfect as I used to think I was!
If you liked this you may like to check out the index of other posts of this genre or read a selection of similar posts.

24 comments:

  1. hahaha, that was a fun read!! even though i am not a South Indian but i ate enough Rasam-rice to know what you mean. it requires a lot of skill to savour this delicacy which may not be possible with the wrong hand.

    i am sure, these changes are not going to be permanent :D

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    1. Thank God for you, Debs! This post was feeling totally neglected :)

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  2. hilarious....!! hey, but look at the brighter side..for one, u realised how invaluable ur right hand is, (psst..did u remember to thank it?)and two, a post emerged out of it...!

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    1. Hey! I really am not in that much trouble finding things to write about that I have to break a hand for it :)

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  3. ha ha ha!! Having once experienced such situations I know exactly how messy things could get!! But your just made them sound hilarious! Kudos to you CS ...

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    1. Thanks, Rajrupa! The only thing that kept me going was being able to laugh at it - afterwards :)

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  4. he he he ....i know how tough it is ...but I could never imagine is such a hilarious post coming out the situation. Take care Suresh .

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    1. Thanks TTT! What's the point in fracturing a hand if you cannot even laugh abt it :) If there is any point to it at all :)

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  5. Finally, you have a view of the left side! And now that you have been blessed with the enhanced capabilities of your other limb, may we have your humour posts at double speed?

    Wishing you the best!

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    1. Thanks Uma! I thought I was already being too damn frequent with my posts :)

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  6. As usual you have made a wonderful joke out of your misery. Good to see you are always able to laugh at your misfortunes.

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    1. You know that Tirukkural - 'Idukkan varugal Naguga...'! Able to do that some times :)

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  7. Haha :) The tv must be cursing you for feeding it Rasam made by you :P

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    1. I don't know abt the TV DS but the servant maid sure was :)

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  8. Idukkal varungal....is one kural that I love reminding myself about. But you make the others laugh along with you and that is a talent. Hope you remember how to use the right hand once the cast comes off, as you'd have got used to being left-handed. come to think of it, you have just taught yourself to be ambidextrous, haven't you?

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    1. That you can laugh, Zephyr, is an example of great courage. My problems were far too minor and much easier to laugh about. Love to hear that I can make people laugh too :)

      The cast is off and I am using the right hand as well - though not yet as completely or comfortably as before. And, yes, now I am equally inept with both hands - does that qualify as being ambidextrous? :)

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  9. Had fun reading this. Nice to see how you draw humour out of serious situations. Many of us would be pissed off at the slightest thought of it!

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    1. Well! Getting pissed off was not getting the hand better any sooner so I thought I might as well laugh at it :)

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  10. That's a fun read ! Can't think of how to eat Rasam and rice with left land..you can probably sip it using a tumbler while you have the mashed rice and kind of mix it in the mouth eh :) It would be interesting to watch anyways !

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    1. I have found this difficulty in imagining the problem myself. With one hand how do you sip the rasam off a tumbler and eat the mashed rice? :) Use a spoon and the left hand does not manage to get it to the mouth without dribbling the rice all over the place. Use your hand and the tumbler of rasam keeps slipping off the starch-coated hand :) I hvn't told the half of it in this post :)

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    2. You can probably ask somebody to grind it in the mixie and voila, you have a rasam-rice smoothie :)..then drink it up using the tumbler !

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    3. Being single and living alone has its pitfalls! :) Anyway, thankfully, those days are gone and my right hand is usable though not completely normal.

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  11. ha...ha...ha....being a left handed i can foresee the difficulties which you had to use with your left hand...mouse...yeah it's was one of my major problem...though i never broke my hand or had any references to cite why i wanted to be ambidextrous but yes...i learned to eat with my right hand...am still on the learning curve to write my first set of words with right hand...i can say with my attempts of over 4 years now...no one can call me i am a left hander...as i can use both hands as any right handed person would...though a through assessment would still reveal i prefer left.

    loved the piece and that's the reason why i gave a little info about myself...!!!

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    1. Great to hear that the piece resonated with you, Anjan!

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