Handwriting

It is about time I enshrined the excellence of my handwriting. The time seems to be fast approaching when people will be saying,"People actually used to write with their hands? How quaint". Provided, of course, they have still maintained the other quaint habit of talking with their mouths.

I can well visualize an evolved human species whose love life goes something like this.

"luv ya" texts one sitting opposite the other.

"me 2" texts back the other.

"*hugs*"

"*kisses*"

And both feel the same ecstasy as though they had actually done the hugging and kissing - and show it by exchanging ecstatic emoticons. Why, I can even imagine the parents expressing the extremity of their rage at their offsprings' love by texting a "*Facepalm*" and an emoticon shooting steam.

But - I digress! We were talking about the excellence of my calligraphy. (We weren't? Then we will!)

Apparently there is a sub-species of human called graphologists who claim to read character from handwriting. My mom took a sample of my writing to one such and sought to know about my character. He studied it for long and raised his head and said angrily, "What do you mean by walking a chicken all over the paper and bringing it to me? Are you testing me?"

With such an auspicious start to my calligraphic career, things could only look up. I still remember my class teacher having given me half the marks on all answers when comparison with my friends told me that I had got them all correct (Yeah! It did happen once or twice. More often than not, though, my perfection showed itself the other way round - in getting everything wrong). I indignantly went to her seeking an answer and she said wearily, "If only I could read what you had written, I may be able to answer you"

That day also taught me the difference between an optimist and a pessimist. My mom was all gung-ho about my performance. "If only he had better handwriting, he would be the topper". My dad, though, had tangential ideas. "Who knows? If the teacher could have actually read it all, he might have got a zero. It is thanks to the illegibility that he passed the exam." Now, who was the optimist and who the pessimist I leave to your judgment.

In my initial days dealing with banks, I was always in and out of the bank manager's room. Every time I issued a cheque I needed to go personally and verify the changed signature and read out the recipient's name as well as the amount. Things came to such a pass that I started fearing that the day would come when someone would just have to bring an illegible cheque and the bank would debit it to my account. So, it is with great relief I took to internet banking.

Time has rolled on and it has been ages since I needed to use pen and paper. The world may have lost a great calligraphist but there is none more relieved than the calligraphist himself. After all, when you type on Word it does not change the font to suit the calligraphic abilities of the typist. Thank God!