Monday, August 11, 2014

Greet back, our way

There are those communication phrases, which merely represent social niceties, and where you expect a standard response. It normally puts you off your stride when the response deviates from expectations. Like a curmudgeon getting wished 'Good Morning' and snapping, "What's good about the morning?"

It is not only the irritable that can put you off your stride with an odd response, even to as simple a phrase as 'Good Morning'. Just so you get prepared for the variety in possible responses, I give you some possibilities. All out of the goodness of my heart.

Client: "Good Morning"
Lawyer: "Good Morning, with the caveat that I shall not be held culpable if it turns out to be neither good nor morning nor both - by you, your agents, your heirs or assigns, or any such person who may, in any manner, be given the authority to act in the matter on your behalf."

Patient: "Good Morning"
Doctor: "It is for me to determine. Am I the doctor or are you?"

Client: "Good Morning"
Auditor : "In the absence of valid supporting documentation, I cannot endorse the statement."

Client : "Good Morning"
Consultant: "That it is. You will receive my bill by tomorrow's mail for this consultation."

Subordinate: "Good Morning"
(There are varieties of responses for this depending on the relationship and the situation."
Boss (to undesired subordinate): "Why? Are you putting in your papers today?"
Boss (to procrastinating subordinate) : "You mean you finally finished the project today?"
Boss (to hopeful subordinate): "Not for you. You are not getting a raise."
Boss (to dithering subordinate): "Are you asking me if it is or telling me?"

Citizen : "Good Morning"
Politician: "See! After our party came to power, the citizens are having good mornings."

Husband: "Good Morning"
Wife : "That's what YOU think"
(When the situation is reversed, the husband merely grunts or sulks - hardly worth writing about)

Father: "Good Morning"
Son : "Double my pocket money and make my day"

Friend: "Good Morning"
Scientist : "Since it is just 7:02:26 AM, it is indubitably morning, at least in this part of the world. The ambient temperature is 23.6 degrees Celsius, relative humidity is 42.34% and there are very few clouds in the sky. These conditions are customarily considered good and, therefore, one may venture to conclude that it may be quite acceptable to say that it is a good morning."

Friend: "Good Morning"

Philosopher : "There you have two concepts that are, in and of themselves, ill-defined. Let us dispense with 'morning' first. If one is bound by the circadian rhythms - without considering wide variations in the behavior of body-clocks - and, further, if one restricts himself to the accident of current geographical location, it could well be possible to concede that it is, indeed, morning. Those, as you note, are seriously restrictive assumptions but let that be. That is a far less ambiguous word than that other one, you used - 'good'. What is good to you....."

(No longer) Friend : "Got to see a man about a dog."

Colleague: "Good Morning"
Call-center employee (US-customers): "Yippeee! Time to go home"

You: "Good Morning"
Me: "No! It isn't!"

It could well be 'good' but it can hardly be 'morning', if you actually saw me awake and wished me!

44 comments:

  1. Haha... This is very interesting. Generally I am the one to go off stride in conversations, so this article should keep me prepared. In fact, I am now thinking to apply some of these phrases to off stride others for a change. :P

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    1. Oops! NOW I have gone and done it - added to the chaos in the world :)

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  2. nice one..thanks for sharing the awesome article update.. keep sharing

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  3. I am glad sometimes that we are silly and follow certain protocols... this would be chaotic!

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    1. Haha! Well if you were Sherlock Holmes it may help you to determine the professions of the people concerned :)

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  4. Good Monday morning dose Suresh, liked it very much, especially the consultant one (me being one). truly agree. Nice one.

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    1. As long as I do not get a bill for this comment, Shweta :)

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  5. lol! loved the exchange between the Boss and his subordinates... thoughts on similar lines have come across my mind whenever a team member would come up and greet :P

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    1. You used them? On occasion? Come on, confess :)

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    2. :P :P the second one maybe but not in the exact terms *turning red in embarrassment and running away*

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    3. No need! He who has never sinned...and all that :)

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  6. I prefer a good morning back :).

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    1. In this Vale of Tears, we hardly ever get what we prefer, Rachna :)

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  7. Then I would say to you 'Good Morning ??!! Suresh' :D

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    1. Now that it is after noon, I have to say, No it isn't, Ash :)

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  8. I Should start replying to people that way!! :P

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    1. Hmm - Would love to know how you got along after that :)

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  9. Good... er, it isn't morning here... piece of writing.
    By the way, how did you conjure up the one between a husband and a wife? :)

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

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    1. You used the right word, Arvind - conjure :) Of course, it could not be from experience, as you well know :)

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  10. Although I have heard funny repartees for other phrases, this is the first and probably quite a comprehensive list of responses to 'Good Morning' :)

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    1. Good to know that I did not reinvent the wheel :)

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  11. haha... Suresh only you could have come up with this post...I think I have said this so many times!

    Good evening by the way :D

    Random Thoughts Naba - I'm Blank Because...

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    1. Thanks Naba! I don't think I can tell you enough about how great it feels to hear that.

      Good evening (I AM awake in the evenings :) )

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  12. Haha :) Hilarious! Wonderful idea for a post..

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  13. The consultant and the philosopher steal the show :) At least for me. But for now, I am just happy that I have never had to experience such greetings in response to my 'good mornings'. Otherwise that morning would haven't been good at all, especially for the person greeting me back....if you know what I mean ;)

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  14. how depressed one has to be i'm guessing if he/she cannot say "good morning to u too" luckily i never had to encounter such unpleasantness ...but i had a hearty laugh reading this,funny and the scientist's was the best,i'm pretty sure there r some who'll say the exact words in exchange to a "good morning" :) I'm gonna say "have a nice day"

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    1. Ah! Not depression, just that some people can react like it is any other bit of conversation instead of a conventional platitude :)

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  15. Hey ! How does a counselor reply?
    Don't forget my tribe next time :(

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    1. Hahaha! Indu!

      Maybe with a "You are cured. Go forth and be depressed no more"? :)

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  16. GREAT Shuba Madhanaya means Good
    afterNoon

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    1. Thanks Keshavram! Shubh Madhyana, I suppose you meant to type :)

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  17. Hey Suresh - are you the one who was my junior at IIMB who was the dashing, dapper cricketer, basketballer I played often with? Sridhar, the master bat was your best friend, if I recall right. I remember the cricket match we had between us 2nd Year students and you 1st year blokes. We were really worried sick about getting Sridhar's wicket. Our bowler Akella sent one early delivery that bounced awkwardly from good length. Sridhar was half forward and the ball snicked his glove and I gleefully held the catch at first slip. Akella was running around like a peacock, as we had the man we feared the most. Plain bad luck for Sridhar!

    I still recall your funny wit of those days. It is clear that time has only sharpened it further, buddy! :)

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    1. I was your junior, quite likely, but you got the wrong Suresh :) THAT dashing, dapper sportsman was probably R. Suresh :) Sports and I have always been strangers :) I am C. Suresh who had his nose buried in a novel even while walking the corridors :)

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  18. A chuckle a second and guffaw a minute kind of post. Absolute delight to read. He HIMSELF would have been snickering away, I am sure... smile emoticon

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