Greet back, our way

There are those communication phrases, which merely represent social niceties, and where you expect a standard response. It normally puts you off your stride when the response deviates from expectations. Like a curmudgeon getting wished 'Good Morning' and snapping, "What's good about the morning?"

It is not only the irritable that can put you off your stride with an odd response, even to as simple a phrase as 'Good Morning'. Just so you get prepared for the variety in possible responses, I give you some possibilities. All out of the goodness of my heart.

Client: "Good Morning"

Lawyer: "Good Morning, with the caveat that I shall not be held culpable if it turns out to be neither good nor morning nor both - by you, your agents, your heirs or assigns, or any such person who may, in any manner, be given the authority to act in the matter on your behalf."

Patient: "Good Morning"

Doctor: "It is for me to determine. Am I the doctor or are you?"

Client: "Good Morning"
Auditor : "In the absence of valid supporting documentation, I cannot endorse the statement."

Client : "Good Morning"
Consultant: "That it is. You will receive my bill by tomorrow's mail for this consultation."

Subordinate: "Good Morning"

(There are varieties of responses for this depending on the relationship and the situation."

Boss (to undesired subordinate): "Why? Are you putting in your papers today?"

Boss (to procrastinating subordinate) : "You mean you finally finished the project today?"

Boss (to hopeful subordinate): "Not for you. You are not getting a raise."

Boss (to dithering subordinate): "Are you asking me if it is or telling me?"

Citizen : "Good Morning"

Politician: "See! After our party came to power, the citizens are having good mornings."

Husband: "Good Morning"
Wife : "That's what YOU think"
(When the situation is reversed, the husband merely grunts or sulks - hardly worth writing about)

Father: "Good Morning"
Son : "Double my pocket money and make my day"

Friend: "Good Morning"

Scientist : "Since it is just 7:02:26 AM, it is indubitably morning, at least in this part of the world. The ambient temperature is 23.6 degrees Celsius, relative humidity is 42.34% and there are very few clouds in the sky. These conditions are customarily considered good and, therefore, one may venture to conclude that it may be quite acceptable to say that it is a good morning."

Friend: "Good Morning"

Philosopher : "There you have two concepts that are, in and of themselves, ill-defined. Let us dispense with 'morning' first. If one is bound by the circadian rhythms - without considering wide variations in the behavior of body-clocks - and, further, if one restricts himself to the accident of current geographical location, it could well be possible to concede that it is, indeed, morning. Those, as you note, are seriously restrictive assumptions but let that be. That is a far less ambiguous word than that other one, you used - 'good'. What is good to you....."

(No longer) Friend : "Got to see a man about a dog."

Colleague: "Good Morning"

Call-center employee (US-customers): "Yippeee! Time to go home"

You: "Good Morning"

Me: "No! It isn't!"

It could well be 'good' but it can hardly be 'morning', if you actually saw me awake and wished me!