Monday, September 5, 2016

Master of Big Issues

I have figured out why I have not set the world on fire, getting people to run around after me waving selfie sticks. The problem, as usual, is luck - the luck that put me, a born master of big issues, in a situation where I had only small things to do.

I find ready solutions to handling the Kashmir issue. I know exactly what is wrong with the education system, as befits a person who perpetually teetered on the edge of failure, and know how to set things right there. As for industrial policy, the fiscal deficit, curbing inflation - those are things I can solve in my sleep and would, if I can figure out a way to be drinking tea and chatting with my friends while sleeping. With all these multitudinous talents, what am I handed out? These pesky little problems that cross my office desk that my vast brain cannot stoop to finding solutions to, that's what.

You think it is easy doing these big things? I have to get into the minds of the armed forces and police in Kashmir and see their motives - how they love the idea of blinding and killing people there and switch off the inclination the moment they get posted elsewhere. I have to get into the skin of the finance minister and see how he, like Marie Antoinette, casually dismisses inflationary pressures with, "Let them eat cake." I also have to realize how the government is too stick-in-the-mud to devise individual educational philosophies for each citizen. And you casually dismiss my multitudinous achievements merely because I am unable to crawl into the mind of the chap sitting across the table from me and determine whether he is serious about asking for LIBOR + 3.75% or whether he will settle for just a 2% mark-up? You do not realize that it is just that I prefer traveling in exalted terrain.

What did you say? "Nothing is impossible to he who does not have to do it"? Or was it "The confidence of a man in his solutions to problems is in direct proportion to his confidence that he will not be called upon to implement them"? So, you think that I can be confident only about things where I can comfortably TALK about what to do and not where I have to DO them? How typical of people like you! You only know how to troll. I am NOT the 'Master of Big Issues; Loser in Small Things", I will have you know. "MOBI-LIST"? What is with you guys and acronyms?

Okay, you superior guys. Let me ask you one question. You are SO sure that you know what God wants you to do; how He wants you to behave and what He wants you to condemn in the people around you. Tell me, do you know what your spouse wants you to do; how your spouse wants you to behave; what your spouse wants you to condemn in the people around you?

I didn't hear that! What did you say?

Oh! You, too, are a Master of Big Issues?

I thought so!

18 comments:

  1. We all are MOBILISTs Sureshji. But I wonder though, if we can ever really succeed with our spouses??

    Fresh read this one was on a holiday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "the confidence of a man in his solutions to problems is in direct proportion to his confidence that he will not be called upon to implement them" Well said and so very true....Reminds me of the Tamizh phrase "vaayaalaye vadai sudarathu" :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. You drive home an apt point without hurting sentiments Suresh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. At once Thought provoking as it is humorous. Coming to spouses, err, don't even try!! Mercurial was a word thought up for them; count your blessings that you weren't lashed around too much--verbarlly that is... AS for MOBIL--most men are Past Masters at this, I am not sure Vishy could even compete when I get down to it. Small things, well they are a totally different thing and you must understand that it is not lack of ability but TIME that is the culprit--how can I resolve issues of global magnitude if I waste precious TIME on fixing a leak in the plumbing or remembering to recharge THE phone? Come on, be fair--it is humanly impossible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course it is humanly impossible. Always knew that there were a lot of MOBILISTs around :)

      Delete
  5. Haha l couldn't stop laughing at that spouse reference, Suresh. A thought provoking post this.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hehe MOBILISTS indeed ! Lovely acronym. I can see it going viral :D We all are that..and we are armchair MOBILISTS too.. not only in armchair but also in sleep SOMNAMOBILISTS perhaps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! I'm afraid this going viral also is a small thing and, you know, I am a LIST :)

      Delete
  7. Indeed - all these big issues are so much more fun since anyways you can't do a thing about them. The small issues are a pain as you get blamed if anything goes wrong.

    ReplyDelete