The ability to quote

God must have been having an off day (AND the mother of all off days) when He made me. The number of things that He seems to have left out in the process is truly mind-boggling and it is a wonder that He did not skip putting in the heart, too, while He was at it. (NO! It is NOT a pity) Among the various things that He left lying on the shelf was this ability to quote. (Why don't I stick to only the things He put in, so that you can save time in the process of getting to know all that He did not? Well, who said I was interested in saving time, anyway?)

Take this ability to quote, for example. To have a memory that is word-perfect in pulling out from the archives something that you have read. If only I had this ability, I'd never have suffered so much in life.

It all started at school - like it usually does. You happily write an exam, thinking you have done well, and when the D-day comes, your paper is full of red ink. And why? All because I can never replicate anything as it is and will always end up writing it in my own words. To me, "If there is a certain quantity of gas, increase in pressure will decrease the volume and vice versa" seems the same as "For a certain mass of gas, pressure is inversely proportional to volume" but, alas, not to my teacher. Just because I wrote the former in place of the latter, my knowledge of Physics was valued at zero.

I did not expect this problem to dog me at IIM as well. But there it was again, like Mary's little lamb, at its post even there. Take this one from where I had to write a book synopsis on Male Chauvinism. "Male Chauvinism is the domination of women by men", I started out, fully confident that I was quoting the author from the book. Nope - there went the red ink, again. I seek to find out why my definition had been bloodied, to find that the book says, "Male Chauvinism is the domination of men over women". What is more, I had apparently totally reversed the definition because either 'over' and 'by' meant the same thing or having women before men in the sentence automatically meant that the former dominated the latter. Once again, my inability to quote and, instead, putting things down in my own words had ruined me.

In as simple a matter of my own reading habits, I got looked down upon. I make a comment about reading books every day, with nary a thought of putting myself up on a pedestal, but again I get egg on my face. I just cannot quote a single thing from those I consider my favorite authors and, in no time, I am seen as this pretentious social climber claiming erudition when I barely know the names of the authors. God! You have a lot to answer for.

Of course it continued to bother me all my life. In my profession, quite naturally, since wise words were more important than concepts. In arguments, most certainly. There is nothing that beats down the other guy than saying, "Like Oscar Wilde said, '.....'" Say the same thing yourself in your words, and people look at you with all the pity due to someone who had gone for a hike when they were distributing brains. Oscar Wilde did say, "Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit" (Yeah! I googled it. So?) but I had not realized that it was the ONLY evidence of wit.

If only I had had the insouciance of another friend of mine. HE would say things like, "Like Marx once said, '....'" and push his point. I asked him, rather enviously, how he managed to remember so many quotes. He tells me, 'I just throw in the names. Most people do not know any better. People cannot think for themselves, anyway, and assume you cannot either. So, unless you throw in names, they do not take you seriously." I did not know whether to be upset by the cynicism of attributing quotes or the cynicism about people, and settled for being aghast at the risk he was taking. "B..but what if someone knew he did not say it?" He laughed and said, "Ah! Well! Then I say, 'It must have been some big shot like Marx. Why are you concentrating on small things like who said it? What is said is more important'." THERE! God! At least THIS you must have given me.

The fact remains that I still do not have the ability to quote. AND what a handicap that is, only someone like me can know.