Golden Silence

 "Silence is golden", they used to tell me in my youth. I used to be duly impressed and think very highly of silence even at that age when I had no clue why gold was supposed to be so valuable. Though, yes, belonging in the 'Have mouth, will speak...incessantly' category of human beings, it generally made me feel inadequate for not being able to belong in the 'gold' category of people.

Of course, I also did not understand why silence was held in such high regard. I mean, yeah, they did tell me, "It is better to be silent and be taken for a fool instead of opening your mouth and removing all doubt." The problem was that, when my geography teacher asked me, "What is the capital of Denmark?" and I remained silent, she started swishing her cane. No sign of any benefit of the doubt to me, let me tell you. Nor did that IIM professor who interviewed me for a seat in IIM-A select me because he had some doubts about whether I was really a fool when I maintained silence to almost all his questions.

On Social media, I find that this saying 'If you have nothing to say, say nothing' is looked upon with great contempt. It, apparently, is when you really have nothing to say that you express yourself with great verbosity. In this, I find that age had caught up with me, after all, and I have been left so far behind the curve that I can never hope to catch up. True, I belong still to the 'Have opinion, will speak' category of people but I fail miserably on two counts.

I still have this old-fashioned idea that it is not necessary to have an opinion about everything. I mean, really, is it absolutely vital for me to form an opinion about Gandhi's stance on feminism or about whether Arjuna was a better warrior than Karna or...? The number of things people form an opinion about, and practically go to war about on SM, astounds me. I bleat about why it is not necessary to have opinions about everything and they look upon me pityingly as a poor outdated Boomer. I...oh, forget it, it's too painful to remember.

The other way I prove my age is even more damaging to me. To actually think that you should form an opinion based on knowing at least some of the facts and assumptions to base it on; that you should be open to modify your opinion or change it if new facts are presented to you or if your assumptions are falsified...I mean, if that is not a sign of old age, what is? If I were really young, would I not know that an opinion is unassailably right if it is what all my friends think?

And, so, I find that age has caught up with me and I NOW understand how silence can be golden. NOT the silence that you keep simply because you do not know; or because you just do not care to know what people are saying; or because you have closed your mind to whatever the people around you are saying and do not care to argue with these 'mindless idiots' who do not know the one right way to think about these issues.

It is more to do with a receptive silence. The intent to listen with an open mind, where you are not busy thinking of what you will say next and actually listen to what the other guy is saying; not busily thinking up counter-arguments to what the other chap is saying. In short, a silence that can come only when you consider a conversation as a means to widen your own knowledge and attitudes, and not a debate which you intend winning at any cost.

Which essentially means that you listen, process the information, check out any areas where you do not agree and ask for clarification (NOT jump up saying, "THAT is wrong, which is WHY I keep saying you guys are stupid").

In short, Silence may well be golden but I do not know whether it can be considered human!