What you want to hear

The one truth about conversing with people is that you very seldom hear what you want to hear. Not only when you are eavesdropping (Eavesdroppers never hear anything good of themselves is true but it is mainly the powerful who hear anything bad that people have not already told to their face). That's probably because people feel uncomfortable about saying anything complimentary to others but find themselves feeling wonderful when they are being critical. Even to people who they profess to love!

You say something like, "I do not think I do this well," generally, of course, expecting the others to say, "No. This is excellent," or some such. How often does that happen? Mostly, what you get is either, "Yup! Why do you do things in which you are incompetent," or, if they are feeling particularly generous, "Fishing! Fishing." As though you will find it funny to be told that you are fishing for compliments OR that they are informing you about what they are sure you do not know. (WHAT was that? Fragile male ego? Hmmm! So, when you say something like "I look fat in this dress," you are thrilled to hear either a "Oh yeah, you do," or "Stop fishing"?)

But, you know, people trying to tell you what you want to hear can also be very...err...trying. There ARE times when you want to hear the truth and, presto, THAT is when people decide that they will tell you want they think you want to hear.

Like, say, you invite a friend for a party at your home and he cannot come for whatever reason. Haven't you come across the friend who decides that telling you that he cannot come will be too troublesome. (In order to avoid THOSE ding-dong conversations between one who does not even want the other to come and the other who does not want to come but..."I am afraid I have another engagement." "What engagement? We have been friends for so long and..." "A relative's marriage is on the same day." "You can come to my function and then go to the reception..."!) You get a 'Yes' from him at first, PLAN on his coming. Then, the day before, he calls you and says he has to go to another function but will certainly come, though he may be late. And so on...till you get a late night call telling you about the traffic situation in Bangalore and precisely which place he was supposedly stuck for three hours. There is a difference between planning a party knowing someone is NOT coming and planning a party assuming someone IS. You, who would have been happy if you knew he was not coming, get stuck with preparing for his advent just because he wanted to tell you what he thought you wanted to hear and feel absolutely pissed when he does not make it.

Call a workman home - an electrician, plumber, whoever - and you get treated to the same. He goes out to 'buy some material' and solemnly promises to be back in five minutes. You ask him whether it will take two hours; he assures you it won't even when you tell him you have work outside the house which you could do in that period; and eventually comes back after four hours. You have people coming in for the evening; you ask the plumber if the job will be done before then; he tells you it will be done so far in advance that you can probably fit in an aerobics class in addition; so you decide not to cancel your evening program; and, when your guests land, you have the unenviable task of telling them that any bathroom visits will have to wait till they go back to their homes. And so on...all because people want to tell you what they assume that you want to hear.

But, yes, it is true that people try to tell you what you want to hear because THEY do not want to hear what they do not want to hear! Recriminations, arguments etc etc.

But, why ME, Lord! I tell people that it is perfectly OK to tell me the other thing, that I would in fact welcome it and still...