Nobody likes compliments

If there is one thing that keeps repeatedly thrusting itself into my ken, it is the fact that anything that you assume to be logically true of human beings will be invariably wrong. Take compliments for example. One would assume that hearing praise pleases people and, therefore, they would not only like getting compliments but would also encourage the giving of compliments. Right? Absurd assumption!

Ever heard someone say, "I liked that movie" and someone else say, "Really?" in a sort of ah-what-else-can-one-expect-of-you tone? Nine times out of ten, the first person would be all apologetic explanations with "Well..the heroine, you know, did a great job of acting..the story was not too bad..of course, the hero could have been better..." and trail off with embarrassment. None in the audience would dare support the complimenting person for fear of being dubbed as lacking in discernment alongside that unfortunate wight. Of course, the possibility of support increases if the movie-maker is a darling of the 'cognoscenti' - since the support would merely be, "Come on! It is a Mani Ratnam film. Of course it is good!" The lesser known the creator, the weaker the wicket for the one who makes the mistake of complimenting.

On the other hand, have you ever heard of someone who trashed a movie getting challenged? Very rarely does it happen AND, in all probability, only when it is, as aforesaid, a movie by a critic's favorite. Even if someone does challenge, all that would be needed to quell the challenge would be a simple, "Oh! It was all right, I suppose, for the popular tastes. But, somehow, there was heart missing in the movie".

You need to be a lot more specific and put in a lot more effort to substantiate a compliment and can get away with vague assertions of inadequacy to support a negative criticism. People are only too ready to believe that your discerning eye has seen lacunae not visible to them - in a sort of mirror image of the Emperor's new clothes, whose invisibility was laid at the doors of the moral inadequacy of the viewers. Society, thus, goes all out to make the act of complimenting dangerous socially. Who wants a reputation of lacking discrimination?

But, surely, the person receiving the criticism would respect the one who compliments rather than the one who issues negative criticism? Wrong again! When someone praises you, how often do you feel unalloyed happiness and how often do your reactions range from 'He is saying this only to please me' to 'What does he want from me"? And, don't you think that the person criticizing you is more honest than the one praising you?

The answer to the latter question has, in my experience, been 'Yes' more often than not. Having heard that 'Truth is bitter' since childhood we have somehow convinced ourselves that 'If it is bitter, it must be the truth'. A person who compliments you has, in your opinion, a hidden agenda BUT people who criticize you seem to you to be supermen bound by an oath of honesty and also equipped with an unerring eye for the truth!

Thankfully, I have never been able to hold my breath for long and, therefore, am quite content to wade in the shallows of words instead of diving into the depths. If you say I am good, I am ecstatic and feel no pressing need to wonder why you are complimenting me. If you say I stink, I am upset but I feel no need to ascribe any more honesty to you than I would ascribe to the one who praises.

Of course, I prefer the sweet to the bitter - without a care for diabetes!