"It is raining today"
When you are soaking wet and dripping water on the office carpet at the rate of liters per minute, this information certainly comes as no surprising revelation to you. I, under such circumstances, start wondering whether the other guy seriously thought that he was widening the scope of my knowledge. It so happens that such is not the case. This is one of the examples of what people call Small Talk.
Small talk is one of those various things that I have never managed to fathom. (Oh! You already know that I would not know it since I know absolutely nothing anyway? No need to sneer - at least I KNOW when I do not know something AND admit it instead of sounding off like one - or all - of the Three Wise Men. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it). What is the purpose of telling someone something that he already knows? That's a question which has, till now, remained unanswered to me and, therefore, I never really have managed to shine as a conversationalist. To imbue words like, "It is so hot today" with a wealth of meaning and interest seems utterly beyond me, particularly when I see the other guy pouring sweat and showing no enthusiasm for any reminder of how hot the day was.
It is not merely that I do not use Small talk. I do not understand it when it is being used either. While on a visit to another city and meeting someone new and, if the other person says something like, "Drop in some time", I end up giving a blow-by-blow account of all the things I need to do during that visit and why it would be impossible for me to 'drop in'. Of course, on my way back home, I keep kicking myself every five minutes for not just saying, "Sure" instead of feeding the guy a detailed itinerary. There must have been some failure when they coded my brain and, so, what comes out as an instinctive response for all is a data retrieval project for me - and, invariably, the retrieval is too late for it to do me any good. I take anything that is said literally and, by the time my brain says, "Eureka! This is one of those meaningless things that comprise small talk", the damage is done.
With all these handicaps, you would presume that I would be the original strong silent man. Not really! I can wax eloquent on how difficult I found the task of getting out of bed in the morning - something that, surely, the other guy could not have known, at least not as certainly as the weather outside the window. Strange, though, that some really new information seems to hold lesser interest for people than what they already know.
It really must be true - what people say. People like the reassurance of being told what they already know. It makes them feel happy that they have not lost their marbles - yet!
As a consequence, it is I who am assumed to have lost almost all of MY marbles - if I had them in the first place. Life IS unfair!
When you are soaking wet and dripping water on the office carpet at the rate of liters per minute, this information certainly comes as no surprising revelation to you. I, under such circumstances, start wondering whether the other guy seriously thought that he was widening the scope of my knowledge. It so happens that such is not the case. This is one of the examples of what people call Small Talk.
Small talk is one of those various things that I have never managed to fathom. (Oh! You already know that I would not know it since I know absolutely nothing anyway? No need to sneer - at least I KNOW when I do not know something AND admit it instead of sounding off like one - or all - of the Three Wise Men. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it). What is the purpose of telling someone something that he already knows? That's a question which has, till now, remained unanswered to me and, therefore, I never really have managed to shine as a conversationalist. To imbue words like, "It is so hot today" with a wealth of meaning and interest seems utterly beyond me, particularly when I see the other guy pouring sweat and showing no enthusiasm for any reminder of how hot the day was.
It is not merely that I do not use Small talk. I do not understand it when it is being used either. While on a visit to another city and meeting someone new and, if the other person says something like, "Drop in some time", I end up giving a blow-by-blow account of all the things I need to do during that visit and why it would be impossible for me to 'drop in'. Of course, on my way back home, I keep kicking myself every five minutes for not just saying, "Sure" instead of feeding the guy a detailed itinerary. There must have been some failure when they coded my brain and, so, what comes out as an instinctive response for all is a data retrieval project for me - and, invariably, the retrieval is too late for it to do me any good. I take anything that is said literally and, by the time my brain says, "Eureka! This is one of those meaningless things that comprise small talk", the damage is done.
With all these handicaps, you would presume that I would be the original strong silent man. Not really! I can wax eloquent on how difficult I found the task of getting out of bed in the morning - something that, surely, the other guy could not have known, at least not as certainly as the weather outside the window. Strange, though, that some really new information seems to hold lesser interest for people than what they already know.
It really must be true - what people say. People like the reassurance of being told what they already know. It makes them feel happy that they have not lost their marbles - yet!
As a consequence, it is I who am assumed to have lost almost all of MY marbles - if I had them in the first place. Life IS unfair!
I have a challenge too with small talk. If I call someone I start off straight with business while some people tell me I am supposed to pad it with inconsequential things. Otherwise I am not being polite.
ReplyDeleteAlways had that problem too.
DeleteI am irked by Drop In Sometime. More often than not, it means nothing. I had a friend who used to say this to almost everyone...Kabhie Aao Na.
ReplyDeleteYes, Alka! To me, it has started meaning "Get lost NOW" :)
DeleteI have this persistent voice inside me that forces me to small talk . I cannot simply sit silent beside someone even a complete stranger. I KNOW THEY GET ANNOYED!
ReplyDeleteHmm! I will prepare myself then before we meet - if we do :)
DeleteP.S- I love the label you used :P
ReplyDeleteThis time I meant that label. I REALLY do have a problem with both using and interpreting small talk.
DeleteHa ha ha Suresh ! We seem to have some commonality there ! Even I am notoriously out of my depth in making small talk and if i dont have something purposeful to talk about, I would rather avoid it.In fact, there have been so many situations, when instead of the 'small talk' that was expected, I have launched into laborious discussions and have had to fade out midway because of the obvious lack of interest !
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Sounds a lot like me too :)
DeleteBut you are good at making Small Talk on your blog :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Giribala! No need of presence of mind when typing on the blog. Can wait for the data retrieval to happen at leisure :)
DeleteIt is posts like these that make me want to meet up with you in person sooner rather than later. Do drop in to my place sometime :)
ReplyDeleteSure :)
DeleteAlthough I am not uncomfortable in a comfortable silence between two people I feel small talk helps me suss out a few things about the other person, especially if it is someone I'm meeting for the first time, without the need to have heart-to-hearts. The "drop in sometime" variety is insincere - a definite put off.
ReplyDeleteMe - I can only envy people who do this 'small talk' well :)
DeleteTalking to strangers is awkward for me. For the life of me, I don't know how to make polite small talk unless you tell me a topic you'd like to discuss :-P. I do admire those who know how to put others instantly at ease. I am normally just waiting to get it over with. Nice to have your blog back, Suresh! That must have been a scare. How did you restore it?
ReplyDeleteI did nothing to restore it - much like I did nothing to get it deleted in the first place :) Blogspot proposes; blogspot disposes :)
DeleteYou are so right, Suresh. Small talk is like a soothing balm and an ice breaker. Your own writing is a longer funnier version of small talk, is it not? Love the way you bring simple things in life up front. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Achyut! Hmm - I do a shade better when I am writing; using 'small talk' or understanding it in conversations is a weakness.
DeleteSuresh, you are right when you say that people tend to prefer hearing about what they already know. And when it comes to small talk, the weather is the number one topic.
ReplyDeleteTrue Mary - for me if the weather is important enough to talk about, it is too vexing to talk about lightly :) If not, it doesn't even strike me as a topic of conversation :)
DeleteBig talk-i don't know how!
ReplyDeleteSmall talk is not welcome-so i think i should just keep quiet :(
Same here - yet I talk non-stop :)
DeleteHow can you be so full of good humor and still not manage small talk ? But yes, I do have this problem .. and people sometime mistake that as attitude :(
ReplyDeleteHumor in writing has no timing issues :) In conversation, if you think of a humorous line five minutes too late, it is useless :)
DeleteSmall talk ? Hmm ! Definitely not easy! But the world revolves around that
ReplyDeleteTo the extent that there is time to talk nothing else :)
DeleteLife is unfair. Well, you said - Life is like that, too, didn't you? Small talks, to me, means to indicate we are still in good terms. I would be quite satisfied when I ask someone who is watching some movie on their office monitors, "Hey, you are watching movie". And they would respond, "yeah" with a smile :)
ReplyDeleteHas the fact that a thing is thus ever stopped you from complaining about it? Every summer in Delhi is sweaty but everyone complains every year without fail :)
DeleteI am grinning because all my conversations start with the weather. I should refrain from it. :D
ReplyDeleteNot at all Pooja! I am bemoaning the fact that I am unable to do it well :)
DeleteI guess I can relate to that, Suresh. It's never been my forte too. Yet, there are obvious bonuses to the art.
ReplyDeleteThere are Uma - which is the cause for my envy.
DeleteWell it's a good way to make friends out of strangers or shut them out completely. I am okay with the silence as well as the small talk though seem to have mastered that art. I reiterate, love the way you write about everyday things. For a while I thought you had banned me from visiting your blog!
ReplyDeleteAh! Blogspot banned me from MY blog :)
DeleteValid points here, Sureshji. When people ask me to drop in, even I let them know my busy-story! Coz I know I cannot keep up the commitment of visiting if I said 'Sure' :) Honesty has its flaws! :)
ReplyDeleteOur problem is that we think saying "Sure" is a commitment :)
DeleteI'd say, if it really can't be helped, better have someone do small talk that makes no sense than make big speeches that make even less of it. Sense, that is. You would have probably hit that fellow withan uumbrella had he started discussing the state of the roads and the traffic instead of just saying that it was raining!
ReplyDeleteDo you think it ends with THAT one statement AND all the rest does not follow? :P
ReplyDeleteWhere I live now, small talk is the way of life! Even in the small bus I travel to office by, the people are constantly talking about weather, Walmart and Obama Care, including the driver! The other day a girl started telling me why she chose to stay away from doing cardio exercises comparing it with Pasta! I could only stare back as I understood nothing she meant!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing - Cardio exercises compared to pasta? :)
Delete