All about Arnab

I have been suffering from an overdose of Arnab Goswami thanks to a news-addicted friend's visit. The experience has come close to being life-changing, insofar as switching off the TV has left me unnerved with the sudden silence, which seems sepulchral in the aftermath. I must also confess that I have developed a whole new appreciation for Arnab.

When, at the beginning of his show, Arnab addresses his panel of 'experts' with "Do you think that this outrageous, vicious and callous practice should be allowed to continue?", you immediately realize that you have an impartial compere, who is going to expertly guide his panel of experts with due respect to both the pros and cons - as long as they all say, "No". He consistently maintains his unbiased stance when he interrupts and overrides anyone daring to even hint of saying 'Yes', practically before the chap has even cleared his throat. Of course, one can hardly accuse him of allowing the chaps who say "No" to have their say - but, at least, they are allowed to get some three to four words out.

I would really like to know whether his panel is carefully selected for this quality or whether they get on-the-job training in his show. What quality, you ask? If you have ever sat through a program, you would have been delightfully entertained by the sight of some six people, all talking at the top of their voices simultaneously. (With Arnab also in the fray or not, depending on whether or not he is having a drink of water.) They all look like adults; seem like people who know that when you talk, you do it so that someone can listen to you; and seem capable of understanding that, when six people yell simultaneously, one can make more sense of a cat-fight than of this 'discussion'. Yet, they do this incessantly (meaning whenever Arnab allows them to do so) throughout the show, thereby giving the impression that they are there with the sole purpose of ensuring that the viewer gets to hear nobody.

This, indeed, is not the only impressive performance that Arnab expects on his show. He believes that miracles may be rare for Saints but should be produced on demand from people on his show. He really expects that the BJP spokesman to say on TV to 'millions of viewers', "Yes! Nitin Gadkari's act in stopping traffic in Mumbai for his convoy was shameful, and I shall ensure that he is thrown out of the party". He expects that the NCP spokesman will come out with, "How shameful of Praful Patel to have had Air India change the aircraft for the convenience of his daughter's wedding party. We will hound him out." The outrage and angst he displays when those luckless wights fail his expectations is a rarity in these days of cynicism. The day is not far off when we can expect the executive assistants of corporate honchos coming on Arnab's shows and castigating their bosses for poor customer service; journalists coming on the show and sneering at their editors for messing up news stories; why, you could even have Mr. Modi's driver telling Arnab that he shall ensure that Modi will never get elected PM again! Attaboy, Arnab! We all admire you.

That is not the limit of his idealism, though. I was extremely impressed by the fact that he expected politicians to voluntarily surrender the privileges that they receive. The last time I ever heard of ANYONE voluntarily surrendering privileges was just before my mother poured a mug of water on my face, and asked me to wake up and get ready for school. Arnab, though, is not totally naive as I shall prove. When someone on his panel mentioned that journalists too had some privileges, he retorted saying that he did not care if they were taken away. Note the fact, though, that he was wordly-wise enough not to say that there should be any voluntary surrender of privileges in this case. (Ah! No! I am not for VVIP Raj. Thank you very much for even considering that I could be VIP enough to want it to continue).

My heart bled for him, though, when he confessed, almost tearfully, that he did not understand how some politicians considered him lacking on courtesy. How could they be so unjust? Don't they understand that when he yells you down on your third syllable, it is just because he has had a brainwave that cannot wait for expression? When he says, "This is the silliest thing that I have ever heard on my show", he is only being honest. When he comes out with, "You better get out of politics", he is only giving out well-meaning avuncular advice to an upcoming young man about viable career choices. Truly, anyone who accuses him of discourtesy must be unduly thin-skinned.

And what about all those people who act arrogant and proud on his show? He ought to know who is and who isn't, after all. I cannot forget how Harish Salve came on his show being introduced as the pioneer who inspired the 'End VVIP Raj' campaign. At the end of the show, Arnab politely says, "Thank you Mr. Harish Salve for joining MY (emphasis mine) movement.". Harish Salve was looking a bit bewildered at being, thus, suddenly converted from a leading light to someone desperately clinging to Arnab's coat-tails as the latter bustled around the country cleaning up the VVIP Raj. I have a sneaking suspicion that the politicos go home after his show and tell their families, "You know what? ARNAB called me arrogant" with all the quiet pride of a physicist being lauded by Stephen Hawking.

My God! What have I done? I am going to have nightmares tonight of Arnab wagging his finger at me and yelling (or telling me politely, as he would think of it), "You cannot talk of me like that".

Thank God, I am apolitical and unlikely to appear on his show!