I am a rather strange person, as most of you know by now. When I see a wasps' nest, for example, I am not seized by an irresistible impulse to pick a stick and poke it, just to avoid being ignored by the wasps. That, I sort of feel, is the time when being ignored is not too bad an idea.
The problem, though, is that this only means that I am not geared for success. The idea, actually, is to walk around with that stick in hand, poking at anything that even seems likely to ignore you. So what if even bumblebees develop stings merely in order to ensure that you are assured that you are not being ignored?
In other words, without attention you might as well tattoo 'Loser' on your forehead. If you do not get attention naturally, the easiest way is to be controversial - that proverbial stick with which you disturb nests and set everyone buzzing.
THAT was a lesson which seemed well worth applying. Having lolloped around Social media, saying polite and what I thought were wise things, and having been so studiously ignored by everyone to the extent that I kept checking my own page to ensure that what I had put up was really being carried, I decided that it was time for a change of strategy. (Phew! You read THAT and made sense of it? Great).
The Earth is actually flat
That was my first attempt to say 'Here I am; Notice me' using the latest gimmick that I had learnt. Either everyone actually thought the Earth WAS indeed flat or, perhaps, they thought it was too crazy to be bothered about. Maybe the latter, considering that the lone comment on it was 'Don't walk too far; you may fall off the edge' and it got some 17 Likes.
Hmmm! This creating a controversy was not easy. My next attempt was effective, though. Hitherto, if I found something wrong in a post, I'd comment, 'Maybe you need to look into the logic of this'. I know! I know! THAT sort of comment is what only a wuss would write. I considered shifting to 'Are you an idiot?' but a bold idea struck me. What is the point in a controversial comment? The best thing was a controversial post. The next time I saw some such post in a Facebook group, I put up a fresh FB post.
This group is full of morons
WHAT a fury of comments and counter-comments erupted on that one! For once, I was not being ignored - everyone and his aunt wanted to crash the party. I was quite thrilled with my success when, at the end of the day, I found myself kicked out of the group and unfriended by every single person who was a member of that group and on my friends' list.
Uhoh! This controversy business is not as easy as it seems. You sort of needed to poke just enough to convert even the bumblebees to wasps, get them all stinging but leave enough of a back-door to gracefully exit your position on the 'Oh! I did not mean it that way' basis. THAT is going to take some learning for me. Hopefully, I will not end up getting kicked out of Facebook before I am done learning.
AND then...watch my smoke! I shall create the mother of all controversies every day and twice on Sundays!
That was my first attempt to say 'Here I am; Notice me' using the latest gimmick that I had learnt. Either everyone actually thought the Earth WAS indeed flat or, perhaps, they thought it was too crazy to be bothered about. Maybe the latter, considering that the lone comment on it was 'Don't walk too far; you may fall off the edge' and it got some 17 Likes.
Hmmm! This creating a controversy was not easy. My next attempt was effective, though. Hitherto, if I found something wrong in a post, I'd comment, 'Maybe you need to look into the logic of this'. I know! I know! THAT sort of comment is what only a wuss would write. I considered shifting to 'Are you an idiot?' but a bold idea struck me. What is the point in a controversial comment? The best thing was a controversial post. The next time I saw some such post in a Facebook group, I put up a fresh FB post.
This group is full of morons
WHAT a fury of comments and counter-comments erupted on that one! For once, I was not being ignored - everyone and his aunt wanted to crash the party. I was quite thrilled with my success when, at the end of the day, I found myself kicked out of the group and unfriended by every single person who was a member of that group and on my friends' list.
Uhoh! This controversy business is not as easy as it seems. You sort of needed to poke just enough to convert even the bumblebees to wasps, get them all stinging but leave enough of a back-door to gracefully exit your position on the 'Oh! I did not mean it that way' basis. THAT is going to take some learning for me. Hopefully, I will not end up getting kicked out of Facebook before I am done learning.
AND then...watch my smoke! I shall create the mother of all controversies every day and twice on Sundays!
Maybe your "The Earth is flat" post didn't stir up controversy because Friedman had already made millions selling that argument :D You should have thought of some other shape - rhombus or rectangle or something. Remember it next time, ok!
ReplyDeleteOr I have another idea, try composing an update which has all the right words such as religion, caste, gender, Hindutva, RSS, AAP, BJP, minority, environment, big dams, displacement, and of course, the BIG one, the four-letter word starting with M and ending with I. And see how quickly you get popularly controversial (or controversially popular?)! Worth a shot. Everyone in the mainstream media is doing it :)
WATCH MY SMOKE NOW :)
Delete"This group is full of morons" - sir ji is this real or fictitious?
ReplyDeleteSir ji is back in form :)
Now did I raise a controversy with that? Was sir ji ever out of form? :) he :) he:) - evil villain laughter :)
Fictitious, of course, Mahesh! I never would write any such thing even about a single person, leave alone a group.
DeleteHeh heh.. You could write some open letters and try to stoke some controversy there. But before you do that, you need to "court" controversy :)
ReplyDeleteTough for me :) I once ridiculed open letters in this blog :)
DeleteSocial media stars stir up groups and communities with controversial posts. You need to make a strategy first, you also need some in cahoots (that's the most important part) defending you. A good defence can decide the fate of the game, you know... :-D
ReplyDeleteTrue. BUT if I HAD those defenders, I may not need to strive to be popular :) I may already BE popular :)
DeleteI would say go with Beloo's suggestion. Try doing updates on religion or politics fit maximum controversy. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou and Beloo will be responsible for ALL the negativity that I spew out going forth :P
Deletewhere do you get inspiration from?? everytime i read an article of yours , I am like wow !!why didnt I think of that?
ReplyDeleteall I can write about is broken hearts and how to be a perfect feminist.. :P
Maybe because I CANNOT write about broken hearts and how to be a perfect feminist? :P
Deletehahaha...maybe you can take coaching classes from some of our politicians. they will also teach you how to string a controversy and steer clear of it too...and maybe stay in the limelight too.
ReplyDeletebtw, why aren't you still off to the Himalayas?
In July, this year - to Kashmir
DeleteYou target no one but yourself.How can you hope for a controversy?
ReplyDeleteTHERE is my problem in a nutshell :)
DeleteThen, there'll be a queue of people, who thrive on controversies, wanting to take tips from you :)
ReplyDeleteOh! Shit! THAT risk is there :)
Deleteplease, if you succeed enlighten me too :D I too need to get hang of this controversy thingy :D
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading your post :D
Still searching :)
Delete