Here
we go again! Once again there comes a contest that I really have no reason to
compete in but for that unfortunate promise that I made to myself about
competing in every contest this year. If I only knew who it was that let
Indiblogger know about that promise thereby ensuring that they brought in
contest after contest that I cannot readily compete in, I would probably have
become a murderer by now!
Paranoid
fantasy, did you say? Just check out the list of contests that have been
announced. You have a ‘Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage’ contest – just the topic
that a 49 year old bachelor has always yearned to write about. Then, you kick
in with a recipe contest – what I always dream of writing after having
converted my kitchen into a disaster area for the day. And, now, comes the
chance to play designer!
I
have always had a thing against designers. They seem to be a particularly lazy
lot given to taking the easy way out. I mean what is so difficult about
designing clothing that makes a John Abraham or an Arjun Rampal look good?
Those guys probably look good in the buff anyway and it would take concerted
creative effort by a designer to make them look ugly. Now if any designer had
designed clothing for me that would make girls drool all over me that would be worth lauding. Where is
the designer who takes on such a challenge? Lazy set of sods, as I said! (By
the way, will someone let me know why saliva is welcome when drooled on you and
detestable when spat? Just asking!)
Without
a designer, I would probably do better. My friends do not agree, however. I am
not color-blind but my friends delight in saying that it cannot be proved by
the clothes I wear. I mean, come on, what is unattractive about electric green
trousers and a flame-red shirt? The shirt is even decorated with bright blue
forget-me-nots and everyone likes flowers, don’t they? I am sure that my
friends are only indulging in their usual pastime of pulling my leg – but who
knows whether they are actually reflecting popular taste or not?
Enough
maundering! Time to get ahead with the task at hand.
Ensemble? Hmmm! Do I go in
for the usual three piece suit that was the height of sophisticated dressing of
my generation? One problem there, however! I have always felt that it was a
pity that the man who first invented the tie was not strangled at birth. Due to
this lamentable oversight by his parents, he survived to invent that
abomination thereby causing millions of men to strangle themselves with it every
day.
About
the only sort of ensemble that I can really take an interest in would be
something to wear on a trek – considering that it is the only activity for
which I feel the need to dress up for specifically. Everywhere else I can
manage with the same ensemble that I use for treks.
Let
us go from tip to toe on this. The first thing is a cap. Not, as the
evil-minded would say, because it hides the fact that I am almost completely
bald. On a trek, it does become necessary to save the head from the scorching
sun particularly when there is a regrettable lack of insulation for it on top.
So, here is the first item on the ensemble.
Next
the sunglasses for the eyes! My eyes are magnetic eyes, all right! The problem is
that they seem to be of the wrong polarity – instead of attracting they seem to
have very strong repulsive powers. That, however, is not why I need them
covered. Trekking involves walking in the sun, more often than not, and it is
better to shade the eyes instead of getting a headache by squinting all the
way.
Why
are T-shirts with pockets so rare? If only these people had the experience of
trying to pull out a hanky from the pockets of the tracks on a trek and have
the mobile taking the shortcut down the mountainside, they would know how
useful a pocket can be on the T-shirt. Anyway, this is my selection of a
T-shirt – could not get rid of the man in it!
Never
underestimate the importance of undergarments. Particularly on treks in the Himalayas
where you probably will live in the same pair for days on end – unless you
actually like undressing and re-dressing when it is freezing cold. Fail in your
choice and you will find what rashes in the wrong places can do to you when you
have to keep walking in them.
Ah!
The over-garments over the under-garments! Must be obvious by now! Tracks, of
course! Since I do not believe in different garments for different occasions I
prefer tracks that can fool you into thinking that they are formal wear –
unless you choose to concentrate on them. If you do, you are welcome to your
discoveries!
Actually,
you can get away with any choice for the rest. But comes to socks, you better
have them cotton and fresh. Worse than rashes in unmentionable places are
blisters on the feet. Unless, of course, you have mastered the art of walking
on your hands!
Shoes
are as important as socks in avoiding blisters. The grip on the soles is also
of relevance unless you actually like slipping off rocks and descending faster
than it is comfortable to contemplate. The best trekking shoes come with Vibram
soles and Goretex inners – but, then, since my life is not worth as much as
such shoes are I make do with the normal running shoes.
Now
that completes the
ensemble. What the well-dressed trekker is wearing this
festive season in the
Himalayas! Now, if only my friends
will agree with my tastes!
