Monday, November 19, 2012

Shopper! Stop!

Here we go again! Once again there comes a contest that I really have no reason to compete in but for that unfortunate promise that I made to myself about competing in every contest this year. If I only knew who it was that let Indiblogger know about that promise thereby ensuring that they brought in contest after contest that I cannot readily compete in, I would probably have become a murderer by now!
Paranoid fantasy, did you say? Just check out the list of contests that have been announced. You have a ‘Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage’ contest – just the topic that a 49 year old bachelor has always yearned to write about. Then, you kick in with a recipe contest – what I always dream of writing after having converted my kitchen into a disaster area for the day. And, now, comes the chance to play designer!
I have always had a thing against designers. They seem to be a particularly lazy lot given to taking the easy way out. I mean what is so difficult about designing clothing that makes a John Abraham or an Arjun Rampal look good? Those guys probably look good in the buff anyway and it would take concerted creative effort by a designer to make them look ugly. Now if any designer had designed clothing for me that would make girls drool all over me that would be worth lauding. Where is the designer who takes on such a challenge? Lazy set of sods, as I said! (By the way, will someone let me know why saliva is welcome when drooled on you and detestable when spat? Just asking!)
Without a designer, I would probably do better. My friends do not agree, however. I am not color-blind but my friends delight in saying that it cannot be proved by the clothes I wear. I mean, come on, what is unattractive about electric green trousers and a flame-red shirt? The shirt is even decorated with bright blue forget-me-nots and everyone likes flowers, don’t they? I am sure that my friends are only indulging in their usual pastime of pulling my leg – but who knows whether they are actually reflecting popular taste or not?
Enough maundering! Time to get ahead with the task at hand. Ensemble? Hmmm! Do I go in for the usual three piece suit that was the height of sophisticated dressing of my generation? One problem there, however! I have always felt that it was a pity that the man who first invented the tie was not strangled at birth. Due to this lamentable oversight by his parents, he survived to invent that abomination thereby causing millions of men to strangle themselves with it every day.
About the only sort of ensemble that I can really take an interest in would be something to wear on a trek – considering that it is the only activity for which I feel the need to dress up for specifically. Everywhere else I can manage with the same ensemble that I use for treks.
Let us go from tip to toe on this. The first thing is a cap. Not, as the evil-minded would say, because it hides the fact that I am almost completely bald. On a trek, it does become necessary to save the head from the scorching sun particularly when there is a regrettable lack of insulation for it on top. So, here is the first item on the ensemble.
Next the sunglasses for the eyes! My eyes are magnetic eyes, all right! The problem is that they seem to be of the wrong polarity – instead of attracting they seem to have very strong repulsive powers. That, however, is not why I need them covered. Trekking involves walking in the sun, more often than not, and it is better to shade the eyes instead of getting a headache by squinting all the way.
Why are T-shirts with pockets so rare? If only these people had the experience of trying to pull out a hanky from the pockets of the tracks on a trek and have the mobile taking the shortcut down the mountainside, they would know how useful a pocket can be on the T-shirt. Anyway, this is my selection of a T-shirt – could not get rid of the man in it!
Never underestimate the importance of undergarments. Particularly on treks in the Himalayas where you probably will live in the same pair for days on end – unless you actually like undressing and re-dressing when it is freezing cold. Fail in your choice and you will find what rashes in the wrong places can do to you when you have to keep walking in them.
Ah! The over-garments over the under-garments! Must be obvious by now! Tracks, of course! Since I do not believe in different garments for different occasions I prefer tracks that can fool you into thinking that they are formal wear – unless you choose to concentrate on them. If you do, you are welcome to your discoveries!
Actually, you can get away with any choice for the rest. But comes to socks, you better have them cotton and fresh. Worse than rashes in unmentionable places are blisters on the feet. Unless, of course, you have mastered the art of walking on your hands!
Shoes are as important as socks in avoiding blisters. The grip on the soles is also of relevance unless you actually like slipping off rocks and descending faster than it is comfortable to contemplate. The best trekking shoes come with Vibram soles and Goretex inners – but, then, since my life is not worth as much as such shoes are I make do with the normal running shoes.





Now that completes the ensemble. What the well-dressed trekker is wearing this festive season in the Himalayas! Now, if only my friends will agree with my tastes!

54 comments:

  1. hello,
    yay im the first one to comment.
    first of all I do not hail from amroha , Uttar pradesh as your live traffic feed is showing...:P
    second thank god that you promised to take part in each contest this year or we would not have such great (read hilarious) posts.
    third lack of pockets in t shirt is a regular complaint, (hope wendell is reading this)
    cheers

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    1. I can't be responsible for what Feedjit says :)

      Thanks, Ratika!

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  2. Nice one, CS. Good to see you keeping the promise. The thing about your humor here is that you don't totally rag the products the way I do - they kind of make some sense seen from a serious angle as well.

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  3. Hope any designer on Indi reads this - "Now if any designer had designed clothing for me that would make girls drool all over me that would be worth lauding." :)

    You could add probably a backpack, waist pouch and some cosmetics from SS :)

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    1. I thought of that too - but it was getting to be too much work :)

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  4. Cool ensemble!
    Good luck Man :-)

    Regards,
    Anunoy Samanta
    -------------------------------
    http://just4suzan.blogspot.com

    http://imakemytrip.blogspot.com

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  5. Ha ha ! I am still laughing...
    After reading the contest rules, I was under the impression that you have to wear the ensemble and demonstrate that you can make George Clooney look dull next to you..
    Now I will also attempt it :)

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    1. Well! George Clooney will look dull next to me :) Don't you know that the clowns are normally the scene-stealers :)

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  6. OMG!! That was hilarious!! And do keep taking part in the contests too!!

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    1. I am the only chap who can legitimately say that 'It is not the winning - it is the participation' :)

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  7. Looks good to me. If not for the rants at the start of the post this was quite an attempt at the contest, might have even won a prize!! Well, it still can :)

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    1. If they are choosing it for the best ensemble why should a rant stop them? :) It is the rant, if anything, that brings the readers to me and that should enthuse any sponsor :)

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    2. I completely agree with you, hence my last sentence :)

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  8. Suresh at his eloquent best! Loved it tip to toe and hope the best for you!

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    1. :) Uma! The best happens when readers like it :)

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  9. And considering the fact that treks in Himalayas are in rugged terrain where you can forget the ideas of purchasing something you forgot to pack eh? So the right ensemble becomes so critical!

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    1. Very! And inexpensive becomes critical too :) Considering the high possibility of damage on treks

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  10. Hmmmm right I need to bookmark this next time I am planning ot go to a Trek I will have to visit this place to make sure I pack everything i need :)

    although going ot himalayas what about the wollens and warm clothing I am sure it will be pretty cold up there :) or am i completely missing the point he he he he


    Bikram's

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    1. Actually, Bikramjit, that ensemble is only day-wear! If you wear your woolens when you are trekking - even in the Himalayas - you will collapse due to heat exhaustion :) The most you could be wearing over that is weatherproof clothing if it is raining/snowing!

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    2. Point to be noted, I see too many movies it seems :) , I have never been to himalayas so dont know but you are right , something ot think about for sure :) thank you sir.

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    3. Movies are normally at mountaineering heights where woolens, gloves and all become necessary. I do not trek at those heights.

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  11. Suresh, First thing first, I can't help appreciating you taking part in these contests. You sure are competitive. Many times, I wish I should do one at least. But you know, the lazy bug in me comes out at the right moment and say, you can't do it, sit quiet :) Anyway, you have got the entire attire packed up. When is your next trek?

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    1. I am the most noncompetitive person I hv ever seen :) I participate but there is no real urge to win :)

      Dec 1-2 is my next trek in the Coorg area.

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  12. A trek attire is a nice idea! :)
    It's nice to see men participate in this too, I was quite sure it'll be filled with girl-blogs :)
    Keep going!

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  13. You're a brave man, indeed, Suresh. I don't go anywhere near the competitions and haven't been to Shopper's Stop in ages! The clothes don't fit me. :P

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    1. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread :) That does not make the fools brave :)

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  14. Wonderful! Hilarious! Witty! Grand!!
    Loved the interpretation of invention of necktie:):D

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    1. Great to see you here again Amit! Been a while!

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  15. cool..pretty cool!! sunglasses and all? huh? competition or no competition, u rock!!

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  16. good one Suresh ! So next time I hear anyone is heading towards Himalayas (which is not so often :( ) , I will point out your link !

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    1. Ah! But that is not a complete list, TTT :) The evenings/nights still require woolens, thermals, gloves etc. - plus a whole host of other things! :)

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  17. I loved the post as well as the comments...one suggestion from my side one needs to carry Enough of drinking water while trekking so that they won't think about digging up a well when in thirst... :)

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    1. True! I have been trekking long enough to know that Anjan - would be a pity if I did not learn even that much after about 50 treks. This one was a contest to put up an apparel ensemble and was not intended as a complete post on what one should carry on a trek.

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    2. my intentions were not to find a missing lane...it was totally on a humorous note.

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  18. Written well... and the 'trek' connection was charmingly done.

    Arvind passey
    www.passey.info

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  19. Wonderful post as usual from you Suresh.
    My fashion sense sucks.. but may be I will give it a try. Who knows my idiotic choice could become a sensation for next genx. ;)

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  20. Lovely Suresh ji... first I wanna laud the commitment you've shone towards contest! Then, it's certainly a cool ensemble I won't think twice bring thus for my man!

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  21. I don't know what I loved more about this post - the ensemble or the humor that you've embedded in it. Too good. Caps off to you, CS ;) All the very best :)

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  22. Humour NOT in uniform but definitely in your ensemble!!!
    Anyway iam letting loose my imagination in a riot of colours with flaming oranges and fluorescent greens and not to forget "jockey or nothing"!

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    1. Thanks - and may yr ensemble find more favor than my dress sense does :)

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  23. Here I am :)
    Well, have been busy with office work and backlog on travelogues, so couldnt be able to participate and also follow up with your post. :/
    As you promised, this is another worth-the-contest post written in a very-CS style :) Never knew, you are competing with likes of Salman Khan as most-eligible bachelor, guess Pramod ji can help you too ;)
    Well, I really liked the post-it not only talked about your very own taste of Fashion but also qualifies for the Contest! All the very best!

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  24. Eyes streaming, sides aching, Im typing my comment here! Howlarious. Loved imagining electric green trousers and a flame-red shirt decorated with bright blue forget-me-nots....tooo goood :)

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    1. Hahaha - Thanks. So, you too do not like flowers :P

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