Monday, March 3, 2014

A sense of belonging

Among the very many things that have always left me bewildered is this thing about 'belonging'. All my life, I have had to face this "You do not look like a typical IIM student" and things like that. I look into the mirror and see that I too have a couple of eyes, a nose and a mouth like everyone else and wonder what is missing. It is true that I look more like a gargoyle than like Ranbir Kapoor but then not all my batch-mates could have modeled for Armani or whatever. And, at IIM at least, they were as disreputably dressed as I was and am. So, WHAT was this thing about my not belonging?

Now, again, there is the same issue but, at least, I know the reason why. To not be married and to not work automatically labels me a maverick, but I still cannot fathom why people do not see this as respectable. I mean, should the fact that I have not contributed to the increase in the world's population - something it is in dire need of - matter so much? And, why should my bundling derivatives and bringing down the world's economy be more respectable than reading a book?

It is not like single people not visibly earning money are all disrespected. Any sanyasin worth his salt is both AND has no dearth of respect. So, why is it respectable for them and not for me? After long cogitation and soul-searching I think I have found the answer. My problem is that I am not in the right uniform AND belong to the wrong class.

If I can dress up in flowing robes and adhere to the proper color code I would be respected as a sanyasin. Saffron or white are the only accepted colors. Who can ever consider someone a sanyasin if he is dressed in tracks and tees? A proper disregard for desires - including that of clothing - can only be expressed in saffron or white robes. Any other dress and you merely look silly claiming to be a sanyasin.

If you are an upper-class sanyasin, you live in a sprawling Ashram with all modern conveniences and cutting edge technology - suitably hidden behind a huge auditorium where devotees can reverently assemble to hear you. A beard is a huge help - but it must appear to be naturally growing, no matter how much the hair-stylist had to work to get it to appear graceful. Ever considered anyone with a french beard a sanyasin? IF he takes so much care over his personal appearance, how can he be above mundane earthly desires? Of course, we do not like our upmarket sanyasins to be unkempt BUT they just cannot parade their attention to personal appearance with french beards and dreadlocks. It just will not do.

The lower-class sanyasin has it relatively easier. Matted locks and unkempt beards; soiled saffron dhotis and bare upper body; everything is allowed. The one problem is that he just cannot dress in jeans and a shirt or have a regular haircut. Oh! No! Either shaved bald OR coiled locks is acceptable. As long as he does not approach a haberdashery or a barber, his position is safe. Of course, he sleeps where he will with no roof to call his own unless it is the roof of a temple.

My problem is that I am a middle-class sanyasin. I live in a flat - not an Ashram OR under a tree - and, being unable to keep a hair-stylist at my beck and call, I have a barbered beard. I dress in tracks and tees. So, even if I were free of worldly desires, I just do not belong in the elite group of sanyasins. Oh! Before I forget, the problem also is that I get high on the wrong things. If I could do with a chillum and bhang I could be with the in-crowd. Scotch just does not cut the mustard.

So, as it stands, I am doomed not to belong. So, if I go to someone's place for a meal and refuse the sweet dish, people do not say in hushed tones, "See, how he has renounced worldly desires". They merely sneer,"This is what comes of gorging on food like there is no tomorrow. He has no space left for the sweet."

Hmm! I just hope that in my next birth, assuming there is one for me, I will be born to belong - somewhere!

38 comments:

  1. When happy in this life as a sanyasin, why bother to belong somewhere in next birth? :)

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    1. Just to see if a sense of belonging makes me happier :)

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  2. Ha Ha! Cool one. People are so uncomfortable with the ones they can't put in one box or the other. Upsets their whole world view I guess.

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    1. Certainly does - also, even the sanysins are assessed ONLY by labels :)

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  3. Lo! There you do belong like the rest of us middle classers! IF we don't belong then create a new group! Survival is key!

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  4. Hi Suresh, As part of Write Tribes Festival of Words, We had to write a post mentioning blogs that we like. Yours is definitely one that always gives me a good laugh and I am happy to mention yours as one of those that I enjoy reading.

    http://jaishwrites.blogspot.sg/2014/03/write-tribe-festival-day-2-blogs-that-i.html

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  5. Atleast you have escaped the speculations about whether you are a real or a fake one. No one would expect you to produce a 'lingam' from your throat :D

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  6. Gr8 post! Yes der's a rush in the world to *belong* to this or that group...but we Mst remember that the world sees innovation n change due to mavericks only! :-)

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    1. That's quite true. One who follows the herd seldom blazes a new path.

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  7. A sense of belonging would never make you happier.It will just make you a part of a larger crowd following some fake norms and you wouldn't want that for yourself.
    Maybe "they" don't belong with you.:)
    Nice and a thought provoking post Suresh. :)

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    1. ME - I never ever knew that there were any norms anywhere :) THAT's why I never belonged - not merely a refusal to follow the norms but a lack of recognition of the existence of any norms :)

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  8. Oh...Its great to read what you write. You truly belong to the world of writing :)

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  9. Sense of belonging is a must in the Society, Sureshji!
    People try to fit in!
    Now when the movie- 2 states- releases, people will think that typical students from the IIM look like Arjun Kapoor & Alia Bhatt! :)

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    1. And all the current students of IIMs will lose their sense of belonging :)

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  10. I was told that Renuka and myself cannot belong to Stellamaris in those days which was full of fashion conscious young girls . We were simple small town girls,yet we were accepted with our half sarees and shy smiles.

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  11. If they can't slot you in the expected molds, they feel uncomfortable. The problem is too many people are breaking the stereotypes or too few.

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    1. Too few in my generation Rachna! It was a time of non-stereotype equaling evil :)

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  12. On the other hand, Suresh, you are a class of your own. And just as they say, the Gods broke the mould after they hewed you out.

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    1. The difference between Optimism and Pessimism. The former makes you feel unique, the latter makes you feel like an outcast. Thank God I have always been an optimist :)

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  13. Ha ha! That was a good read. I wonder what they say when you tell them about your writing?

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    1. They'd probably say I do not look like a writer either :)

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  14. Hey! I was in the midst of writing a "who am I?" post. Don't be surprised if I link to your post.

    Interesting and thought provoking, as always. The whole issue of "belonging" is basically to "be longing to be someone you're not".

    Strangely, in my case I've been told I'm many things, most of them unmentionable in a respectable forum.

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    1. That was crisp and true - more often, though, that longing is a creation of Society than internally-driven.

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  15. Isn't the world like a zoo? Humans look at animals in the enclosures and wonder what kind of a life they lead. Nobody has the imagination to think that the animal in the enclosure will be looking at those shameless gapers with the same thoughts. I think those unimaginative bipeds on the streets outside deserve to be pitied. What say?

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    1. Anyone who sits in judgment over others, when he is neither paid to nor required to do so, is to be pitied :)

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  16. Well, Suresh, you certainly 'belong' to this group!
    One of my best friends and I reserved a table on a small dinner cruise. When the waitress showed us to our seats we were greeted by a little placard in the center of our table. It read, 'NOT PART OF GROUP'. Apparently everyone belonged to a mysterious group, except us.
    I still have the sign posted on my bulletin board.

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    1. As long as you do not feel the pressing urge to use that sign against my name, Mary :)

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  17. To me you are that guy who was brave enough to do what he wanted and not what others wanted of him.

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    1. THAT has always been my aim - lead the life that I want to live. Seemed sort of silly to modify my entire life merely in order to satisfy people who would spend maybe 5 minutes in a year to think about me :)

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  18. He he he, good one, see how much "people judge a book by its cover, and a wearer by their clothes" don't they :)

    And given your current hair style, I guess you are well on your way to achieving acceptance within the sanyasin circles...

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    1. Clothes, Age, What have you :) If I write humorously, I am a frivolous person; if I am old, writing something for pure fun is disappointing etc. etc. :)

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  19. Anything we do is pounced upon to be branded as a particular type. Didn't it all start with classifications of nouns, common nouns to species...still wondering !

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    1. Wherever it started, there seems to be no end in sight now :)

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