Thursday, March 13, 2014

Acquiring Taste

It is tough to live as a man of no taste. You are looked down upon even by your fellow-tasteless people and, as for the ones with taste, you barely belong to Homo Sapiens. To be looked upon like a worm may be quite all right for worms but it gets boring for you to be constantly looking down to check whether you are actually walking or slithering in your own slime. So, I decided to go out and acquire some taste - or, at least, the reputation of a man of taste - from one of my friends.

I did not quite like that up and down glance that clearly shouted, "YOU? A Man of taste?" but, thankfully, he did not voice it.

"You know what the problem is with you? You like too many things. The less you like, the more a man of taste you are"

"Like lesser...."

He gave me an exasperated glance.

"Let me explain..now what do I explain about...hmm..the only thing I suppose you will understand is food. Ok! See..you cannot praise idlis, upma, pizzas and gourmet foods..you have to be selective."

"I see...so I praise upma and criticize Lasagna..."

"There you go. I thought you would be that type. The sort to wax eloquent about Arnie Swarzenegger movies and sneer at Akiro Kurosawa. The second lesson is - sneer at what is popular and praise what is not."

"Hmm - so, if it is popular, it is not in good taste.."

"Correct! So if idli is popular and pasta is not, then sneer at idli and praise pasta. If pasta is popular and idli is not, then praise idli and sneer at pasta"

A bulb lit up in my mind.

"AH! SO that is why the sophisticate of one country is a rustic in another? The popularity ratings of things are different."

"Shut up! Do not try for a PhD while you are still in Kindergarten."

I was suitably chastened.

"But...how do I know what is.."

"Must be easy for you..all you have to do is check if you like something. If YOU like it, then sneer at it. You will never go wrong."

Easy as pie. Like lesser things and sneer at everything I like. Soon I would be a well-known man of taste. But...

"Exactly how does one sneer?"

My friend was aghast.

"You have no idea how to sneer? I have heard of plumbing the depths...but this.."

He was speechless. After a while, he said, "Look down your nose at such things. Tilt your head up first."

I duly tilted.

"NOT like you want the barber to shave under your chin! Tilt it just a bit"

Losing patience, he seized my face and tilted it to the appropriate angle.

"Now try looking down your nose"

I tried. I really did. After going quite cross-eyed, I just about managed to sight the tip of my nose.

My friend fell over laughing.

"I ask you to look supercilious and you manage to look like a clown. Like you are making faces to amuse a child."

I went red.

"Can't blame you, I suppose. You need an aquiline nose to look down the nose properly. Your pug nose just does not suit"

Shit! NOW that I had the know-how to be a man of taste, I am defeated because I was fitted with the wrong nose. Thank God, I really like most things and do not feel the need to sneer at anything in life.

40 comments:

  1. Same category :( fitted with the wrong nose! So cannot join the bandwagon of the "people with taste".

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  2. "sneer at what is popular and praise what is not."

    Hehe..Your blog never fails to make me smile..to lighten my mood.. :-)

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  3. Even knowing how you manage to twist and turn your posts till the very end, I didn't quite see that end coming :)

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  4. And I am the complete opposite. I am a woman of taste. Now after reading this post, I feel bad about myself :P

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  5. I stand suitable enlightened too, sir. Thank you for that exquisite repartee delivered in your exclusive taste...

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    1. Ah! Shucks! You accuse me of taste too, Uma? :) Despite my pug nose? :)

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    2. First a typo: read 'suitably'. I seem to be undergoing a severe bout of Typoid these days, and it's not just my smartphone. And I do accuse you of great tastes, Suresh! Lastly, If you got pug nose, mine is the puggest! So be ready to praise the less hyp stuff. :P

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    3. Oh! Bang goes the illusion that sneering at what I like will make me a man of taste :P And I now know ONE person who will praise my writing - other than me :)

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  6. The nose that launched a 100 comments :)

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    1. Nowhere near - abt 10-12 :) AND Cleopatra will sue you :)

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  7. Sir, visiting your blog after a while. I had almost forgotten how hilarious it can be :)

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  8. You know after reading your post, I don't think I will ever claim to be a person of taste :P :P and yes you are right, its all to do with the nose, so you are forgiven :)

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    1. There are those who have taste and there are those who claim to have taste :) I was trying to become one of the latter since the former was beyond me :)

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  9. Hilarious ! I am now getting a taste for acquiring the right 'taste'. Problem is I too don't have the right nose for sneering.Probably you will write more about resolving the problem of wrong noses in some future post :)

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  10. You do know that you are awesome right? With every post, you amaze me with your sense of humor.

    I must say, people who visit your blog have an impeccable sense of taste ;)

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    1. Thanks Soumya! SO - the tasteless person attracts people of taste :)

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  11. A mn of taste never hangs around with a man of no taste. Else tastes mismatch :)
    Correct points, Suresh ji :)

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    1. Au contraire, Anita! I have found some 'men of taste' prefer 'men of no taste' if only to sneer at them :)

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  12. Well, I'll be! I thought being an IIM graduate you would have acquired some taste along the way. It's wonder you are struggling to acquire taste when your friend made it so simple for you. OK, I'll make it simpler for you. Being an Indophile means you have no taste. So if you want to acquire taste, you should start by hating India and all things Indian (idli, upma, chutney sambhar included). Now enjoy!

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    1. But I still do not have the nose to sneer properly :)

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  13. I am a person of no taste. I like popular stuff. Perhaps it is popular because it is good, just like your blog :). A nice hard hitting one guised in humor about the sad state of things. BTW, I recently came across that 'talk with conviction especially if you know very little.' I so remembered your post then :).

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    1. How I wish! I will take my blog being popular any day :)

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  14. Now we know why film stars get nose jobs done, Suresh.

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    1. Hahaha! TF! Never thought of that :) Maybe Rhinoplasty is the way forward for me :)

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  15. "Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste" -Bertolt Brecht.

    Now , since I have barely heard of Bertolt Brecht, do I have good taste. Or is knowing google search good taste?

    I know that reading Suresh Chandrasekharan is. :)

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    1. Hahaha! NOW I wold like to know what those other times are when it is Ok to let being human play second fiddle to having good taste :)

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  16. You are right Suresh. Thats exactly how people i thought were of taste behaved.what an observation . 'Sneer at what is popular and praise what is not ' ha ha

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    1. Thanks Jaish! I seem to be getting an undeserved reputation for accuracy :)

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  17. When it comes to food, I have no taste because all I like is home cooked simple south Indian food. And I don't like to spurge so that narrows it down more. I don't mind being looked down upon for being tasteless.

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    1. Hmm - Now ME I am no person of taste in ANY area. Can't sneer t anything you see :)

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  18. Hah! Ok, despite perhaps not having the most perfect nose to do so, you just managed to do a proverbial sneer at all who claim to be chockfull of taste!

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  19. Lol...i didn't knew a man of taste required an aquiline nose...*still laughing* good work!!

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    1. Thanks! No - a man of good taste does not BUT one who only wishes to show himself off as one by sneering does :)

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