Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Eyes that do not read

“Hello!”

“What the heck yaar! Why are you answering me so impersonally? Don’t you have my number stored?” said my friend in a wounded tone.

“Sorry! I can just about see that it is a name and not a number! Without my reading glasses, I cannot read the name”.

He was not so easily placated. “When you saw it was a name, you could have put on your glasses and read it.”

* * * * *
“Hello!”

“What took you so long?”

“I was hunting for my reading glasses”

“Most people hunt for their mobile when they get a call. How did you think you could receive a call on your specs? Ha Ha Ha”

Ho! Ho! Ho! Vee..rr..y Funny!

* * * * *

I was a ripe 39 year old and in Senegal on an official visit along with two big-shots from my office. Whatever profligacy that company showed in other ways, they were environmental-friendly and very sparing in their use of paper. Why, all their documents were printed in a Times New Roman 6 point font! What with reading these documents in cars and in the hotel my eyes were sore and started watering at the sight of any bright lights by the time we returned to Paris.

Imagine a situation of staying at the Hotel Intercontinental in Paris and your two big-shots, who you assumed would be the major stumbling block in your quest for night-life in Paris, proposing to take you to a show at either the Lido or Moulin Rouge and having to refuse because the very thought of any bright lights set off twin Niagaras from your eyes! Ah! I don’t suppose you are really interested in my tale of woe and the infernal unfairness of life to me.

Back in Delhi the problem had still not gone away and I went to my company doctor. She scribbled a lot on a pad and asked me to go to an eye-doctor. I read through her preliminary diagnosis and the stand-out phrase was ‘suspected intra-ocular tension’. I looked it up on the Internet and what it said was that intra-ocular tension could lead to tunnel vision and inevitable blindness! Ah! That was one day that I cursed the availability of information on the net! Ignorance, sometimes, is bliss!

After a series of vision tests, starting with the one that took you back to Kindergarten, the doctor was testing me for intra-ocular tension.

“Any history of this in your family?” asked the doctor.

“Not yet!” I said, trembling in every limb.

“Good One!” said the doctor, laughing. I was not feeling very much like laughing, I assure you!

The long and short of it was that I could no longer comfortably read without reading glasses. (I know! I know! You probably wish I had made it short instead of long!)

That was then! I needed aids only for reading matter and not for looking up names in my mobile. Now is a different cup of tea. Whatever else I may be powerless in, my eyes are growing in power – or should I say in the need for power?

Imagine having to drop all your coins in your hand and peer at them with shopkeeper wondering whether you thought you were parting with all your family’s wealth. (Why oh why did the government dispense with that wavy edged coin for Rs.2 and make it impossible for me to distinguish between the Rs.1 and Rs.2 coins?) Go over to the mall and seem to meditate over the packet of dal because you cannot distinguish between Toor Dal and Channa Dal by sight and are unable to read the label.

I guess I must accustom myself to going out shopping armed with my reading glasses and have the shopkeeper say, “Do you intend paying me with the reading glasses? It is customary for the buyer to take out his wallet – and not his specs - when presented with a bill!”

P.S: To all Bloggers who love those oh-so-small fonts! Hitherto I have been reading them because the material has been interesting. Now I suspect that I am developing Intra-ocular tension again! So, excuse me if I think that you have the font in that cute size because you do not want the elderly to come and crowd up your blog. I shall take the hint and refrain from pushing in my unwanted presence!

22 comments:

  1. Confusion between 2 rupee and 1 rupee coin is there for me also. But having the coins in your palm and peering at them leaving the shopkeeper to wonder whether your are parting with family property is hilarious! Similarly the shopkeeper's worry whether you are gong to pay in reading glasses.
    BTW I also have reading problem. I zoom the screen and read. I use bigger fonts in my post, have small paragraphs, leave lot of space between lines, etc.

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    1. All of which I do too...Still doesn't help sometimes:)

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  2. ha ha, That was hilarious...Ignorance, sometimes, is bliss! I truly believe that :D

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  3. Believe it, buddy! There will be lots of times in life when knowledge is the cause of pain:):)

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  4. Government has introduced smaller 1 Re coin that will soon solve this problem.

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  5. Thank God!! I hope it will not be too small for me to see:):)

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  6. that was hilarious. i guess i just found a humor blog which can make anyone laugh irrespective of their mental state.

    brilliant and even i have problems with those 1 rupee and 2 rupee coins coz even i m old :)

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  7. Thank you for your compliment.

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  8. Very hilariously putting your point across, I must say. Sorry to hear of the eye ailment though.

    For stuff online, you always have an option of using a higher zoom to a personal liking level. This should make all reading material easy on the eyes.

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  9. Well! Actually, a reading problem is something that comes with age anyway!! Thanks for dropping by and complimenting.

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  10. Nice way of getting your message across. I also get annoyed at very small fonts or very dark backgrounds. An anecdote I remembered, I got spectacles at the ripe young age of 5 years. And the doctor was terribly puzzled when he tested my eyes. Any number he put, I could read everything. Thoroughly bemused, he turned to my mom. She gave him a solution in a jiffy. She asked him to make me read in the reverse order. Alas, I had mugged up the letters ;-)!

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    1. This is the first time i am hearing of someone cheating in an eye examination :)

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  11. I am afraid I am headed the same way, too. After all, there is only so far that I can hold the newspaper, or any paper, with the short arms God gave me!
    Only you can find humour in something so devastating! :P

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    1. I'm sure you can too Rickie! :) After all, too often in life you face situations which can be handled only when you learn to laugh at them.

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  12. I loved this sentence - Imagine having to drop all your coins in your hand and peer at them with shopkeeper wondering whether you thought you were parting with all your family’s wealth.

    BTW, my posts have big fonts as I too am myopic. (Please get the hint :P) :)

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    1. Hmm! Let me be done with this IT return crap first - unfortunately bank statements and all hv not taken account of us :)

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  13. Ha ha ha...Im off to chk the font size of my blogs. Wouldn't want that to be a stumbling block for your visits to it.....hopefully :)

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    1. You will need to - in addition to size, my eyes start watering if I expose them for any length of time to a monitor :)

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  14. Move to plastic! That is what I did when I no longer could differentiate the coins or notes. Written as only you can, Suresh! Enjoyed reading each and every word of it, glad the IOP is normal though...

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    1. Plastic does not work for some purchases - esp the ones where coins become more necessary than notes smile :) Thanks Ramesh :)

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  15. Haha. Excellent read. Welcome to the club.

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