Saturday, April 14, 2012

Sick of Motion

Do you have a headache? You can expect your friends clustering around you offering an instant pharmacy of help. A cold? Sympathy and varieties of home remedies all round will be on offer, unless you choose to sneeze in someone’s face! Fever, body aches, wounds? Everyone is so solicitous of your welfare. What is it about motion sickness, then, that gets you the horse’s laugh when you only claim having it or the averted face and wrinkled nose when you demonstrate that you do have it?

Imagine your head spinning so fast that you feel the need to hold on to it to check whether it is still moored to the neck. Imagine your stomach churning vigorously and knowing that what will come up will not be butter. Imagine all the food that you gorged on wanting to make the journey back up your gullet, when you have a strong suspicion that it will not taste as good when coming up as it did when it went down. Is this misery any less than your headaches, fevers or pains that you will merrily hand over a barf bag and make fool comments about morning sickness and pregnancy merely because my stomach doesn’t have a starved look?

About those barf bags! Every time you put your face close to it to spew out the remnants of your morning upma you inhale the invigorating scent of what your previous morsel has been turned into by the action of your stomach. The smell has something of an Axe effect – only what it brings a-running is not a bevy of scantily clad beauteous damsels but the rest of whatever is there in the stomach. If anyone also thought that carrying it around like a trophy bag made one feel proud, they need their heads examined.

I am not unreasonable. I can even understand your quaint dislike to having the remains of my breakfast dumped in your lap, after being processed by my digestive enzymes. What I fail to understand is why you have to be so facetious and unsympathetic to my problems. Instead of saying ‘There! There! I know how difficult it must be for you”, you say, “If you will vomit, what can you expect?” as though I chose to be motion-sick after a careful assessment of all available choices.

And, then, there are the conversationalists! Just as you are feeling like a well-shaken champagne bottle desperately holding on to the cork, there is always someone who will ask you how you are feeling and feel wounded if you do not reply. As though they do not understand that you are not sure about whether you would spew out words or vomit when you open your mouth. (Not much difference, did you say? Go read another blog, bro, I am not talking to you!)

One has to look on the positive side of anything! Motion sickness does get me the window seat in the front of any vehicle I travel by when in a group. Fear is a great motivator and nobody wants to take the chance of having me bathe them in odorous liquid while on a trip. If your neighbor in the vehicle is crowding you too much a mild retching noise is sufficient to get you all the space in the world! There is always a silver lining in any cloud but no one has, as yet, assured me that the cloud is worth having merely because it has a silver lining!

24 comments:

  1. hahahaha. that was hilarious. no averted face or wrinkled nose here.

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  2. Thanks, buddy! Wish you would say the same travelling next to me by bus:):)

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  3. Beautifully written with a dash of humor! Reading the last para, I am now actually feeling bad that I do not suffer from motion sickness :(

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    1. Thank God you are not! the benefits are not worth the costs:)

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  4. OMG Suresh! this was amazing! I was feeling the same a couple of weeks back. and recently I have been facing this frequently. while in a discussion, a friend of mine mentioned the name as "Motion Sickness". And you have presented in such a hilarious way. I would now like to face this sickness as frequent as possible.. :) :)

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    1. Not around me you wont:):) Thanks for your kind comments

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  5. Hilarious Suresh! I totally can understand! Because I have the same motion sickness problem!

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    1. Thanks Rajrupa! Good to find that I have company :)

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  6. I do feel nauseous sometimes especially of heights or at the sight of blood, even while traveling down ghat roads. And it is a terrible feeling. My sympathies with you or anyone else. I know how terrible it feels :(.

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    1. Now me I am not very particular. I can feel nauseous while traveling on perfectly flat straight roads :)

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  7. Eww...I read this while having breakfast - possibly not the best decision I have made this morning! But, of course, it could have been worse - a post about 'motion' that prefers the other exit of the body?
    Only you could have likened that regurgitating broth in the stomach to champagne bottle that has been tossed around a bit! LOL!

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    1. You have only yourself to blame, Rickie :) I had put up a msg alongside indicating what this was all about :)

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    2. Well, it is hard to resist your posts even they come up dire warnings!

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    3. *dancing with joy* - That is one unsightly thing - thank God there is no one around to see it :)

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  8. ROFL! There there, if it makes you feel any better, I have air sickness, and firmly believe if the creator wanted us to fly, he'd have given us wings. Gross and hilarious, just the sort of thing I like to read :P

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    1. And, if the creator had wanted us to travel that fast he would have given us wheels :)

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  9. This is awesome...love the humor! I keep visiting your blog now and then and am never disappointed with what I get. Thanks, sir!

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  10. Ha ha ha... advantages were good, especially it gets you the window seat..


    manjulikapramod.com

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    1. :) Not too sure whether it is worth the disadvantages :)

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  11. Ah! Finally found somebody having motion sickness like me. Every time I travel by flight or bus, I feel I am on the deathbed. And what does the rest of my family do? They eat away roasted cashews and offer me too after I puke. Each time I refuse those cashews for the fear of puking again, I get are-you-out-of-your-mind looks. Sigh....

    PS: Sufficiently gross description to make me puke just reading it.

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    1. Hmm! The world is full of unsympathetic people :)

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  12. hilarious.."feeling like a well-shaken champagne bottle"..ROFL on a recent holiday to the Andaman Islands we were travelling by sea and with great difficulty i was holding myself from throwing up and there was this old women sitting beside me chattering all the while. . i felt like using the socket of her eyes instead of the barf bag...

    loved your post...

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    1. So I can make people feel like ROFLing :) I was just starting to despair:) Thanks.

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